It's a guest post!

So I come on over to Hillary's place some time after 8 o'clock. Being a good friend and everything, I brought food. Well, cake mix, but it turns into food. I also assumed that Hillary would not have milk or eggs for said cake mix, so I brought some along. I was right.

You guys, Hillary is not joking when she says that she is busy with marking. She does not even remember to buy food¹. I was immediately innundated with a pile of standardized math tests, which I scattered across the coffee table and living room floor. And then I got to it. 2 and a half hours later, I've got three pages marked and four or five to go. Does every teacher have this much marking to do? According to Hillary, yes they do. They're just more on top of it or something.

OK. Raise your hands if you think Hillary is maybe just a little bit crazy. Be honest. All right, I'll assume that you guys at the back haven't actually met Hillary in person. That's okay. Ever since I met Hillary I've thought she was a little on the crazy side. Also, most of the time that I've known her she's been a teacher or studying to become one. Stay with me here. I don't think it's the Hillary that's making Hillary crazy. I think it's the teaching.

You guys, I've been a "teacher" for all of 2.5 hours now, and I have already started to pick up certain Hillary-isms. I have spoken in strange voices (in response to her strange voices). I have spoken random words and phrases into empty rooms. I may have made up words, only to forget about them completely. And, I am in the middle of composing an unusually long blog posting to avoid any more marking. I'm pretty sure I don't do this at home. In fact, check my blog. I'm more of a twice-a-month-if-you're-lucky kind of blog poster.

At this point, my sugar rush from the cake is over, and the thrill of trying to see how much of that milk I can drink just isn't quite having the same effect. My eyes drill into the screen trying to see how long I can avoid working before Hillary catches me. It's too late.

¹Hillary's mom, if you're reading this, send groceries! Or better yet, meals on wheels or something.

---

This was written by Brad.

Fried

Too tired... feet freezing... eyelids falling shut... brain dead... out of words...

Stay tuned tomorrow for "Needs to add more detail to writing..."

Ah-beh-dee, ah-beh-dee, ah-beh-dee, that's all, folks.

Hilla-who?

Nicknames through the ages...

* I'm Nana's little "Bunny Scoot."

* To Dad I'm "Tony." (I used to be "Lumpy," too, but Mom put the kaibosh on that one pretty quick once I hit adolescence. Phew!)

* I am my mom's "Hillary Duck."

* To Auntie Connie I was "Hill Billy." (or something like that... AC, do you remember?)

* To a large number of the boys in my grade 7 class, I was "Hillary Artillery." That name came with a dance. Put your hands up beside your face, each one posed like a duck bill. Point your fingers towards your face and close and and open them twice while saying Hillary. The syllables "Hi" and "ry" correspond to closed beaks. Next, point them away from your face while saying Artillery. "till" and "ry..." closed beaks. Bob your head to the rhythm as you go. Repeat. Again. And again. Perhaps there was something to that, and I just didn't see the deeper meaning. But I think they were just weird.

* When I worked at Camp Kawkawa, I was named "Pillsbury." I decided my midddle name should be "TouchMyStomachAndDie." :)

* A few people actually call me "HelloHillary." They get a kick out of saying, "Hello, HelloHillary!" or saying "HellloooooHillary" in all manner of strange voices.

* To my friend Rebecca, I'm "Hilla-ree, Hilla-rye, Hilla-roo-rah-ray," often with some form of happy hooting or squealing tacked on at the end for good measure.


What are some of your nicknames?

________________________
Oh, and do I feel silly for writing out every little step to the "Hillary Artillery" dance? Nope, cause I get great satisfaction in knowing that you were sitting at your computer with your hands up in the air, trying to figure it out! *GRIN!*

Blindness-inducing

I've been pouring over pages like there for HOURS now. Too many columns... too many numbers... add it up, total the rows, weight the grades... AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

That is all. I just needed to look at something OTHER than these pages for a minute. I may just go dance around to some high energy music for a few minutes and let my brain unclench...

Boil boil boil

Day, what? 5? That's how long it's been that we've had to boil our water, and it's not supposed to end any time soon. Kind of annoying, but not the end of the world. At all. My friend Ashley wrote an excellent post on it - she's definitely got things in perspective. Go check out her take on the water situation (and tell her I sent ya!).

Short post today, because really I've been posting repeatedly in the comment thread of the last post!

Impressions

You play music?
..- Yeah. I've been playing the piano for a while... but, I'm learning guitar.
So you're actually good at the piano.
..- I'm OK.
You're ok. Which translates into, "You're actually good, but you're uncomfortable saying so.".
..- Yeah... it's called modesty.
No. Modesty is not bringing it up. Saying you're ok when you're actually good at something, is called lying.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is an excerpt from "The Station," a short film directed by Josh Stackhouse. It's funny that I saw this film last night. I've been thinking these days about how I portray myself, and how I often feel like I can't acknowledge when I'm actually good at something, or that I like something about myself, without feeling like I'm bragging or boasting. Some people have no problem saying that they're good at something, which is good, which is healthy. But then, some take it just over the line and you get sick of hearing about how great they think they are.

I tend to be a person who just says it like it is. I did something silly? I tell people about it, cause, hey, it's funny! But sometimes I worry about accentuating weaknesses by joking about them, or pointing them out. I'm not a fan of hiding that side of me, because I think it's important to be transparent, but often I find myself wondering what kind of impression I'm giving off to people if I keep telling stories of goof-ups or talking about things I'd like to improve about myself, and am hesitant to acknowledge my strengths for fear of boasting or sounding full of myself.

It's all very well to have your own view of yourself in your head, but I think it would be so interesting to get to watch myself for a day and see me the way others do. Ha! Who knows, maybe people think I'm full of myself!

So what do you think? Where's the line between being honest about yourself and your strengths and bragging or boasting? Do you ever wonder how you come accross to others?

No conclusions from me, I'm just trying to think through, well, me and my big mouth! Heh heh.

(see what I mean?)

** Edited to add: This post continues on in the comments... there's a great discussion going - check it out and chime in! **

Little things

The morning and early afternoon had been productive. I was happy with the work I'd accomplished, and decided to take a break. For the first day in a long time, the streets were dry, so I slipped on my walking shoes and set off to do a few errands on foot: returning a video, buying some groceries, stopping in at the bank...

Avoiding the noise of the traffic, I wandered through the side streets, taking in the soggy and withered gardens and the last few yellowed leaves dangling from the trees that line the streets. My nose and fingertips were comfortably chilly - just right for a Saturday afternoon walk in late autumn. As I walked, I passed the apartment where my best friend and her husband used to live, and thought how much life has changed since they used to live there.

As I came up to a main street, I looked north and was caught once more by the beauty of the mountains towering over the city, the winter blue slopes and brilliant white streaks of fresh snow against a grey November sky. I breathed deeply, and was greeted not by the smell of fall that I had been expecting, but by the distinct smell of cumin and other Indian spices floating along from a location I couldn't quite pinpoint.

I stopped to savour the moment, feeling secure, feeling satisfied, and allowing the music from my mp3 player to sink into my heart...

Your love
is extravagant
Your friendship
is intimate
I feel I'm moving
to the rhythm of your grace
your fragrance
is intoxicating
in a secret place

Spread wide in the arms of Christ
is the love that covers sin
No greater love I have ever known
You've considered me a friend
And captured my heart again

~ by Casting Crowns

In the news

It has been absolutely POURING here the last few days. There was a storm on Wednesday that has caused flooding, downed trees, collapsed buildings, power outages, and, because of the highest turbidity levels they've ever seen in the resevoirs, a "boil water" advisory for all of Greater Vancouver. That's nearly 2 million people. We can't drink, cook, or even brush our teeth without boiling the water first. Wowsers. But yeah, the water looks pretty gross right now.

Is it bad that I did a little happy dance that my kids would no longer be asking me to go fill up their water bottles every 5.2 seconds? And then to pee every 3.9 seconds after that? I feel like I'm becoming the Pee Nazi. NO PEE FOR YOU!

BUT, what I find hilarious in this, an "only in Vancouver" type scenario, is that as of this morning, restaurants and coffee shops have been included in the "boil water" advisory. They could not sell coffee unless it was made with bottled water. At all. All this in time for the morning commute, which made for some VERY grumpy people all over this caffeine-dependant city today, I'm sure.

And the kicker? It was the top story on the radio news channel all morning.

No coffee. Because of too much rain. TOP STORY.

Welcome to Vancouver.

Kiwi!

I have no engery for a post tonight. Enjoy the kiwi! :)
I might just have shed a little tear...

Alive

A prayer wafts up
silently
amid the noise of day
thoughts louder than words
crash heavily

help

the flow of life
at times
opressive
at times
making my feet take off dancing
a life of their own
joy flowing down to my toes

the mixture bittersweet
and lovely

In which Hillary dances around with much jubilation...

Woohoo! I made it to work in one piece! And so did my car!

That was not the case a year ago today. Today is one year since the Beastmobile died a horrible, twisted, mangled, firey death. Well, ok, not the firey part. Or really the mangled and twisted part, too much. But it died. And there WAS carnage. Left all over the road and dangling from all parts of the car. All joking aside, that was a freaky day.

I'm happy to report today's was an incident-free commute and Black Beauty (cause it's not black, get it? .... naw, neither do I) is happy as a clam.

Status of my claim? Still unfinished. Status of my back? Stupid back. It's mostly fine, but still bugs me sometimes, especially when I'm stressed out. Like, um, now.

Status of my life? Still good, still grateful it wasn't waaay worse.

Beware the wrath of Ms Hillary

Ooooh, my kids are SO getting a major lecture tomorrow. It's smack down time, baby. I will NOT be accepting the crap they're trying to pass off as work
A-N-Y-M-O-R-E.

They really need to know that you do NOT want your teacher feeling like they want to scratch their eyeballs out when they are reading (or trying to read) your work. I marked 6 assignments tonight -SIX! - where they weren't even writing on the LINES. No more.

"Do I look like a garbage can? I'm not accepting your garbage. Do it again."
Oh they are NOT going to like me.

Look out. It's report card time, and I'm GRUMPY.

RAR!

I WILL NOT...

I will NOT let this get to me this year. I WON'T.

Every term, around reporting time, I freak out. It's a crazy assessment time for my students, and we're finishing up units right left and center. That means lots of tests/projects. Which means lots of marking. PLUS, there's the added job of creating the report cards.

This year is, of course, a whole new ball game. These puppies matter. As terrible as it is, I knew hardly anyone really cared about their kids recorder mark. I still did the best I could, but there wasn't as much pressure as I'm feeling now. Because Language Arts? Math? Yeah, they care.

It's right around now that I am looking at the format of the report: opening comments (a personal statement about each child - which is easy for some, but soo hard for others - and comments on their work habits, behaviour, etc), letter grades (those are the easy part - I just factor in everything I've been doing all term), comments (those scare me - how to make them general enough that I don't end up with 50 comments for every subject, and specific enough that I'm actually saying something. Plus there's the whole 'saying things diplomatically' thing...), and then goals and support plan, which should be easy enough.

BUT, what ends up happening are two things. First, I get sooo overwhelmed by the job that I feel paralyzed. I need to learn how to manage my teaching better so everything doesn't happen at crunch time, or just make a cut off date and say, oops, too bad, those'll count on the next term.

But more than that, this is a time when I really start to doubt myself as a teacher. Have I done this right? What if I haven't covered this? Is this really a fair mark? Could I have covered more? If they can't do xyz, is it because I haven't taught them well enough?

Looking at the task ahead of me, mostly because it's the first time I'm doing it, freaks the living daylights out of me.

Oh, it'll get done, and it will be fine, I'm sure. But I put such unrealistic expectations on myself and then end up putting myself through hell for two weeks until it actually is finished. Where's the balance between wanting to do the best job I possibly can and then just letting go and realizing that it's ok if I'm not perfect???

*sigh*

Off I go to keep slogging through it...

If only we looked this cool

Here's a clip of some West Coast Swing dancers. I do NOT look like that... maybe by the end of level 2. ;-) (hahahahaha!!!) But hey, at least we have a goal to work towards, right? :)

Want to see more? Try here (I LOVE this one!) and here. And Holy SMOKES... THIS is what you can do with a choreographed routine. Wowzers.

Time to spill the beans

No no, not ME, silly! YOU!

Yesterday's post got picked up by BlogHer (woohoo!) and that got me thinking... it would be fun to do a story swap.

How's it work? You write a story of your first date (or a first date, the earlier the better!) on your blog, then let me know and I'll link to you here. Don't have a blog? Don't want to humiliate yourself that way on your own site (haha!)? Not to fear... just leave your story in the comments. Let's see how many stories we can collect!

Date stories:

- It was Cherie's story that made me think of this in the first place!
- Abbey tells of her first date via a few journal entries...
- Happy and Blue tells of his first love. It's a good one!
- There are stories in the comments, too! Check 'em out!


Come on, folks... don't make me look like a ding-a-ling, here! Tell a me a story! :) Heehee!

Random Memory

I just read Cherie's most recent post about her daughter getting asked out on her first date. The similarities between that and my first date were striking, and it brought back the hilarious memory, clear as day.

I was twelve years old, and in grade seven. I had developed the biggest crush on The Boy over the fall. In my pre-teen-ness, I flirted with him in the wierdest ways. There was something about a neon orange hat that he had, but it was mine, or I had found it or something. The hat wasn't so much the issue as the fact that it gave me an excuse to chase him around the playground trying to get it back. This carried on for a few days - he'd taunt me with the hat (oh, he liked getting chased by a girl!) and I'd run after him. Eventually, he shoved it down the storm drain at the corner of the school (sorry, fishies!). I feigned indignation, upset at the fact I no longer had a reason to chase him.

The school was putting on "A Christmas Carol" for our big musical that December. The Boy had been cast as Scrooge. Some time in December I had developed a brilliant excuse to actually phone him. (I had attempted calling boys before, but without success. When I tried phoning my super-huge crush in grade 5, I froze up and never said a word. I just listened to them on the other line asking, "Hello? Is there someone there?" Oh thank goodness those were the days before call display. And Mr and Mrs C? I'm sorry!!!)

So, back to my plan... I needed to know when the dress rehearsal was for the musical. I was so proud of myself for thinking up the line, "Who'd know better than Scrooge himself???" We actually talked for a while that day, and I asked him out. I am woman, hear me roar! I might have told my parents that he asked me. For some reason, I can't quite remember that detail. Funny, that.

The Boy and I made plans for our first date. We were going to see Hook in the theaters. The only thing was, I wasn't allowed to go on a date by myself. Mom wanted me to go in a group. I protested, but to no avail. So, grudgingly, I invited my friend Sorrell to come along.

The night of the date, The Boy's dad came to pick me up. The Boy came to the door, and my dad answered. My dad now likes to tell the story of how he shook The Boy's hand that night, squeezing it way past the point of being comfortable, and said, "Hello. I'm Hillary's FATHER." He laughed and laughed and laughed. To himself, that is. Good thing I didn't know then, I would have been MORTIFIED!

Sorrell and I hopped in the car and we got dropped off at the movie theatre. I was so giddy! The three of us found our seats and settled in. I honestly don't remember if he held my hand, but I don't think he did. What I *do* remember is him making really cruel comparisons between one of the characters in the movie and one of our friends at school. Jerk. Though I laughed right along with him. That didn't deter me from liking him, either. What can I say, we were 12.

His dad dropped us off after the movie and The Boy walked me back to the door...

Rememberance Day has a slightly different meaning to me this year. After being in Europe this summer, particularly taking a city tour in Munich and seeing the memorial at Dachau, I have a slighty better understanding of the realities of how awful war can be. The tour of the concentration camp was probably the most oppressive thing I have ever experienced. Discussing with my students this week, too, about peace and freedom, has forced me to really take a look at what those things are, and what those things mean. I know I take those things for granted. It's good to stop and remember why we are so blessed to have them.



They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not wither them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Yeah-HAH!!! *updated*

For the record.

I am posting this FROM MY CLASSROOM!!! Today is the first day I have had a working computer in this room. YES!!! It's about shtinkin' time! Woohoo!

*UPDATE* For those of you who have commented so far... note the time stamp: 3:32. Chill'ens are long gone. Nyah nyah!

Though I *do* like that duct tape suggestion. Muah hah hah!

Supervision has it's benefits

Silly, silly me. I wasn't thinking like a classroom teacher when I did this. I was still in "music teacher" mode when I signed up for my four shifts of supervision duty.

Every morning and after school, teachers sign up to walk around the school grounds and just generally keep the peace durning the 15 minutes of "in and out" time at the beginning and end of the day. For the last three years, I've just picked a month - the earlier in the year the better - and signed up for every day that month. I get it over with, and because it's every day, I don't forget.

What I wasn't counting on this September when I signed up, though, was that I make myself available from 8:15 onwards for kids to come on for extra help if they need it. I'm trying to teach them to take responsibility for their own learning and to get help before an assignment is due. Sometimes I feel like I'm beating them over the head with this message.

"StudentX, your spelling assignment is now four days late. How come?"

"I don't get it."

"Welllll... I didn't see you in here before school for help. Or after school. How come?"

" ... ... ..."

"Ah ha. If you need help, you HAVE to ask me before it's due. I'm here every morning... yadda yadda yadda..."

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've had that conversation with kids. They're just now ALMOST starting to get it. Sometimes.

AND, now I've gone and signed up for stupid, stinkin' supervision ALL FREAKIN' NOVEMBER. In the morning. From 8:15 onwards.

Crappity crap CRAP.


On the plus side, on Wednesday, the day after my mini emotional breakdown, I was wandering around the school grounds and had no less than 6 kids come up to me and tell me they missed music / they missed me / they wished I was still their music teacher. Walking through the halls that day, four different kids - all the way from grade 1 to grade 7 - gave me hugs! AAWWWWW! It was awesome.

I really miss seeing (most of) the kids, and again, the timing couldn't have been better!

Kaboom

Is it a bad thing that I feel like my head is about to blow up? That I seem to be moving in slow motion? That I don't even seem to have the energy to lift up one chair, let alone the stacks of chairs I was trying to move as I was setting up for Alpha tonight? That I have been bumping into walls and door jams ALL DAY LONG???

Oh... and? This made me laugh like a maniac: "The depressing thing about tennis is no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're friggen relentless." (thanks Ashley!)

Still. I don't need to get more sleep. Noooo.....

Bombarded

When it rains, it pours. And I'm not talking about the deluge we had here over the weekend and on Monday. I'm talking about how when God wants to get a message accross to me, he makes sure it gets through. Repeatedly. All in a very short period of time.

After last night's talk, I had (and still have) all kinds of thoughts swirling around about purpose, in both my job and my personal life. I've had a lot on my mind recently in both areas, and as if yesterday's talk wasn't enough, when I got home last night, I came accross a poem and a blog post that both comforted me and made me really sad. I guess they both kind of pointed out something that I know is true, but I haven't really accepted. I ended up having a really crappy night, though it was made so much better by the prayers of a trusted friend.

Today at lunchtime I was checking my email and saw I had one from my friend Colleen, who lives in Munich. She has been away for the last few weeks, and I didn't even know she was back. All the email was was a forwarded article from an online magazine. I read the article, and couldn't believe it. It related exactly to what I was going through last night. It was just what I needed to hear. It was so perfectly, perfectly, perfectly timed.

I believe that God tries to teach me things through all kinds of circumstances. Sometimes those lessons hurt, but God always just blows. me. away. by the wave of love that comes afterward. It's like he says to me, "Yes, I know this lesson is gonig to hurt, but I'm here. I've got you. I love you. You will be OK."

Even as I'm typing this, I'm realizing that all of this is relating back to a passage in the Bible that has had a lot of significance to me in the past (John 15), and has recently come up "randomly" (I don't believe for one second it was random) and struck me again. It talks about my job being to simply remain where I am, to stop striving, to let GOD do the work in me. It reminds me to rest, to stop trying to force my own way, to stop trying to figure things out on my own. It reminds me just to remain close to Jesus and let myself be loved into change.

************************************

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one who sounds above them all
The Father's song, the Father's love
He's sung it over me and for
Eternity
It's written on my heart

Heaven's perfect melody
The Creator's symphony
Now he's singing over me
The Father's love
Heven's perfect mystery
The King of Love has sent for me
And now he's singing ove me
The Father's love

from "The Father's Love" by Matt Redman

Fumbling towards purpose

Ugh. I feel like there is so much I want to digest, to think about, to work on in my life right now, but I have no time to do it.

I went to young adults at my church tonight for the first time in ages, and was challeneged by a few things the speaker said. Again, no time to get into it (I still have a socials test and a review assignment to make up tonight before bed - check the time! BAH!), but in a nutshell, I was reminded of the importance to live life on purpose. That's been a come and go theme in my life the last few years, but one that I want to be more come, less go. (I've blogged about it at least twice before: here and here)

It's so easy for me to get into a "survival mode" type pattern, paricularly when I'm really busy and/or mentally preoccupied, and I just go through the motions of the things I have to do. I want to have a goal in mind, a purpose by which I direct my life, and then have that purpose in front of me in everything I do. But sometimes it's hard to even verbalize it, let alone have everything I do reflect that goal.

Carving out some time to even think about that seems so hard right now. But I've often learned, usually the hard way, that the more I don't want to do something I know I need to do, the more I really need to do it. Does that even make sense?

In the style of Happy and Blue, today's question is: "Do you have a 'personal mission statement' of sorts? And if you do, what tricks do you use to keep in in mind, to direct what you do, as life rushes past you at the speed of light?"

Signed up!

I just got home from my last West Coast Swing dancing class. It has been an absolute blast. Dancing is never something I've done before, in part because I just never saw myself as someone who would be good at it (thankyouverymuch high school PE classes. Agk.) and partly because I've jsut never had/made the opportunity to do it. I wanted to do ballroom dancing in university, but I could never find anyone to go with me.

So long story short, I am now moderatley confident that I won't make a TOTAL fool of myself if I attempt to dance with another swing dancer. As long as they understand I'm a beginner and are nice to me! (I had a rather unfortunate incident with a much more advanced dancer a few weeks ago, but SHH, we won't mention that...) And of course, dancing with anyone at my own level is great!

Tonight was the last class of level one, and I was all sad, because I didn't think I was gonig to do level two untill mid to late January. But no! The three friends I've been going with and I are all signed up for the level two class that starts next week! Yipeee!

Bring on the whips*!

__________
* It's one of the dance moves - get your mind out of the gutter! ;)

Domestic

I woke up this morning to the sound of the rain, which is pretty impressive, because I live in a ground floor suite. There's no rain on the roof here, just the pounding drops hitting the ground outside my window.

I love the sound of the rain. There's something soothing about it. I laid in bed for a while, just listening, before I got up to start my day.

My to do list today is long, too long to accomplish everything, but I switched on some music and got to it. I did the dishes, then called Rachelle and talked to her for a while about life in Iowa with two babies. I talked about crazy work and all the fun of the single life while she told me about her plans to meet up with two other mommies once a month for a day of cooking and a meal exchange. After we said goodbye, I got back to work, some of my favourite worship tunes playing on my DVD player. I tidyed up, washed the floor, put away some groceries. The bathroom is cleaned, and the piles of paper in the 'office' are going to be dealt with today, by hook or by crook.

I've got the door open, so I can hear the rain that continues to fall. The cool-ish November breeze brings in the smell of wet leaves and the tiniest hint of smoke from a neighbour's chimney. The occasional ding-ding-ding of my windchimes float in over the music.

As I drag my couch back into position, I can't help but think that I really wish there was someone else here right now. Not to help me move the couch - I can do that on my own. I can do most things on my own, actually. But I don't want to.

Today is just one of those days when I look ahead to another rainy Saturday some years from now. I'll wake up to the rain with my best friend beside me. My kids will jump into bed with me for a morning snuggle before we go downstairs for breakfast and some Saturday morning cartoons. There'll be a bigger mess to clean up, with less time to do it. Life will be busier, more complicated, and I'll be more tired. But there will be a richness in my life that I can only attempt to understand now.

There's a quiet beauty in a rainy domestic Saturday. I'm looking forward to having someone to share it with.

Joy in the simple things

There's nothing better than a baby's laugh! I saw this over at Troll Baby, and I had to post it. I've watched it twice so far, and it has made me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I love how easily laughter comes to little ones. It really is infectious!

I hope you find joy in your day today!

BLEEENG!!!

Newborn

Oh my goodness!!! With all that talk a few weeks ago about my very bestest friend in the whole wide world having her baby, one would think that I'd have remembered to post some pictures! Well, actually, I DID remember, but whenever I remembered Blogger was not letting me upload them. Arg.

Keiran will be three weeks old tomorrow, but these pictures are from the day he was born. Mattias is now a big brother! They're both SO cute! Congrats, Rachelle and Nathan, for about the bazillionth time!

ps. Yes, I've asked permission to post these photos!

NaBloPoMo

NaBlo....what? It's short for National Blog Posting Month. Kinda cheesy? Maybe, but oh so fun! The idea is that you post at least once a day every day in November. It's a challenge, of sorts, good for getting the creative juices flowing, they tell me. Either that or just an incentive to post mindless drivel. But hey, that wouldn't be too far off, anyway...

I figure I've been doing nearly a post a day for the last while now, so it might be fun to take on this challenge. Just for fun. Just to procrastinate learn to better express myself in written form. Heh.

So... I've been seeing lots of folks posting about signing up for NaBloPoMo, they're up for the challenge, yadda yadda yadda. OK, OK, I'm in! So off I went to sign up...

... but I missed the boat.

The list closed yesterday (naturally, as it was November 1). D'oh!

Well, who needs them, anyway? ;) I'm gonna be the rebel... go out and make it on my own! I am blogger hear me... type? (Leave me alone, it's late, and I just finished a nearly 5 hour marking marathon!)

So here ya go. This is me saying I'm gonna post every day for the month of November. Hopefully that'll make you want to keep coming back, not run away screaming! :D And lookie here, this post counts!

See ya tomorrow!

The elusive "simple solution"

Man, I've got to post something to get that crazy crazy picture of me OFF the top of my blog!

So today I had an "ah ha!" moment with a few of my students...

I have a group of kiddoes who have various issues: one has realy low textual comprehension (as in, when he reads something, he doesn't usually get it) and REALLY low written output. If he hears something, however, he gets it, and really shines orally. (Still... his parents have refused testing for him, which would get him a designation and hence learning support. I just don't get it.) Another just has really low comprehension all round, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what to do with her, because, as terrible as it sounds, I really doubt she is capable of the type of work she brings back from home. Or at least, there's a huge discrepancy in what she does at school and what comes from home. My guess is that mom helps her heavily, which is ok, but I can't really assess what she knows! There are three others with similar issues - related to written output - in this little group of kids I'm particularly worried about.

I've been racking my brains trying to come up with what to do with these kids, especially in subjects like science, where I want to know that they know the info, but language gets in the way of that. So I've just started going to them and asking them verbally to give me the answers to the questions. I can tell if they've got it or not fairly quickly, and at least assess them on that, even if I have to note that they can't do the written part or that I can't mark anything that comes from home.

Sounds simple, eh? I don't know why I didn't think of that before. BUT, when the light went on today, it worked great! Of course, there are 5 kids in this situation, and it all has to be one on one, so where I'm going to find the time to do that, I'm not sure, but hey. It's a start.

It sure was a weight off my shoulders today, though, to find a solution to something I've been banging my head against the wall over for the last month. I did a little happy dance inside! We'll see how it works.

Actually, this whole afternoon was one of a very few times when I felt like everything was coming together. Kids were finishing up a science assignment then taking out their art project to work on, and I had a small group of students at the board giving them the math lesson they missed while out working with the resource teacher. The kids were working, I had just found my solution (I hope) to my assessment worries with my lowest students, and everything seemed to be humming along just tickety-boo.

It was a rare moment, so I enjoyed it!

Happy Halloween!

Meme madness part deux

Sarah Cool tagged me for this one. I just can't say no (although HER answers are awesome, and I'm gonna have to try really hard not to just say, "yeah, what she said...").

As far as tagging back goes, if you want to do this one, go for it! (Yesterday's tagees, feel free to pick between the two!)

My perfect...

Day: I get to sleep in, then spend the day with a good friend or two - out for coffee (ok, tea), a walk along the beach, and some great play time outside. At this time of year, there would definitely be some frolicking in the leaves - throwing them up in the air, watching the a shower of red and yellow flutter down against the brilliant blue of a crisp October sky. After the sun goes down, we'd cozy up and watch a good movie, sipping hot chocolate and either laughing our heads off or wiping the tears from our eyes.

Job: Sorry, Sarah, I've got to copy you on this one: being a wife and a mom one day, and working in some capacity in a children's or youth ministry.

Food: Pretty much anything Mexican or Thai.

Colour: blue or green - really the colours refelected in nature. I could get really specific and say the deep blue of a twilight sky or the brilliant green of a springtime leaf lit by the sun.

Date: Oooobviously February 2! Or, depending on how one interprets this question, one where he picks me up and surprises me with a plan: somehow involving silliness, heart-to-heart conversation, and a good snuggle.

Book: Yup, let's assume the Bible is a given, then I'd go with "A Voice in the Wind" by Francine Rivers. It's a novel set in Ancient Rome, and I've read it many many times. It was this book that sparked an interest in ancient civilizations and started a chain reaction the led to eight courses at university in classical and religious studies, and even infuenced my desire to go to Verona on my trip this summer.

Life: One in which I know I am loved, and in which I do all I can to demonstrate love to others.

Word: Grace

Ending: "Well done, my good and faithful servant..."

Meme madness

You may like 'em, you may hate 'em, but I got tagged TWO TIMES in two days for two different memes. Woah! I never get tagged! So I'd better do 'em, eh? The first one (number two will come tomorrow-ish) was from Cherie over at Queen Bee. She asked me to tell you ten random things about me...

1. I have some kind of strange phobia about my socks showing. I don't like it. I always think my socks look dumb. What's up with that?

2. For three years (the preschool years and kindergarten), my family lived in the basement of my Nana and Papa's house. One of my favourite memories of living there was sitting backwards on the stairs to the patio with my sister, our legs dangling down through the gap between the steps, eating mushroom soup with bread in it.

3. I have a wierdo new age-y book called Dancing with Cats. It's all owners mimicking the movements of their cats, sometimes in costume. It's wierd. I have no idea why I own it. But, it's good for a "what the HECK??!?!" kind of laugh every now and then. The pictures absolutely crack me up. As does this quote:

"But you have to be careful; sometimes the energy is so powerful I worry about overstimulating my aura. At those levels, an unstable etheric oscillation could collapse into an astral vortex and suck my spiritual reserves into a state of negative sub-matter."

4. I really, really hope I haven't scared you away by that. It's not a frequent read, just a random book on my shelf. I find if funny that I feel the need to justify myself on this.

5. I have great friends who I am extremely grateful for. They bring a smile to my face and richness to my life. Awww! I do mean it, though. :-)

6. I've never seen Lord of the Rings all the way through. Nor have I seen the Sound of Music. I know, I know. How is that possible?!

7. Like Cherie, I often can't keep my left adn my right straight! I'll have to do a quick mental "which hand do I write with" check. I've gotten very good at this. Hardly anybody notices I do it. (Uh-oh, now my secret is out...)

8. I'm a leftie. Southpaw. Goofyfoot. Truly in my right mind, I say!

9. I had orthodontics (braces, retainers, etc) for ten years. The result of that? My teeth no longer touch together in the front. Makes it very hard to bite a hole in a helium balloon and make my voice go all squeaky.

10. Beware, apparently, if you ask me for random, it's random you're gonna get!

If you'd like to do this, too, consider yourself tagged! SarahCool? Jean? Anne? Hulai? Abbey? Barbara? Jenn? Any takers?

And YOU! Yes, you! You don't have to do all 10 (if you don't want to), but leave me a comment with one random fact about you!

A smile with arms, a laugh with a stronger grip*

Somewhere along the way, we grow up, and for some reason, we trick ourselves into thinking that we don't need hugs anymore. It doesn't help that hugs become much less socially acceptable as adults. But why? I suppose there's always the worry that a hug will be misinterpreted, or the motivation questionned, or that it will be unwelcome. But sometimes all a hug is is a greeting, a show of support, or a simple expression of friendship. And sometimes we need it more than we think we do.

As I write, I'm struggling with thinking that this is going to come accross all soft and cuddly and cutsie, but I really don't think we adults get or give enough hugs. The chorus of a children's song by Charlotte Diamond repeats over and over, "four hugs a day, that's the minimum, four hugs a day, not the maximum..." Perhaps she's on to something. Children get and give lots of hugs. But do we growns ups meet that quota?

This line of thinking came up after I saw this video a few days ago on a friend's blog. It was a video of a man in Korea standing on busy streets with a giant sign that said, "Free Hugs!" Anyone who wanted to could come up and get a hug. The looks on people's faces as they walked by were curious, though there were definitely those who looked suspicious. Most just took photos. Very few people actually went up for a hug, but those who did left with a big smile. How could they not?

Then tonight after Alpha, one of the other girls on the leadership team came up and kind of randomly hugged me, and it was great! I must have given her a weird look or something (why? I love hugs!), because she said, "We don't give enough hugs!" That of course turned my thoughts back to the video, and the leaders and I started talking about the lack of physical touch in our culture. Even just putting a hand on a shoulder will often get you a, "Uh, what are you doing?" look. Of course, after this conversation, we all had to give eachother hugs as we left, and it turned into a great big "hug-in." As goofy as it was, it really made my day.

Now granted, I probably wouldn't go up and hug some random person on the street who was offering them (... oh who am I kidding, yes I would, just cause it'd be fun!), but it got me thinking... so often I go about my life with a sense of isolation from other people. I fool myself into thinking that I don't need that kind of interaction, and worry about giving it to others. But there's something so powerful in human touch. It gives security, it brings healing, it is food for the heart.

Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to start accosting everyone I see with a great big bear hug. But I'm definitely going to try to pass out a few more so if you know me in real life, consider yourself warned! ;-)

_________________
* Quote by Terri Guillemets

Quotable

At my workshop today I was talking with another teacher friend of mine who teaches resource (learning assistance) at the primary level. She told me the cutest story I've heard in a long time about one of her little kindergarten boys.

She was asking the boy to sing his ABC's, just to see if he actually knew his alphabet. This is what she got:

"A B C D... E..... F...... G......... -sus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so!"

Some lessons are simply more important than the ABC's!

Professionally Develloped

Well, interviews are over and I didn't die. Woohoo!

Actually, they weren't too bad. Though yesterday was insane. I got there at 8am, the kids went home at two, and I had interviews for six hours. SIX! I left the school shortly after 8pm. I was asleep by nine. I have not gone to bed that early in.... wow, I don't know when. I slept for TEN hours. I needed it. The night before, I only slept for about four, and one of those four, apparently, was with my forehead on my computer desk. Yeah, I was due for a good sleep.

But I digress.

The next seven days are apparently the week for professional development for me. I have two workshops tomorrow - a provincial pro-d day - in two different locations in the city: one for science, one for PE. Then on Monday I have a day of release time to go be trained in the math program that a few classes at my school are doing as a pilot project. Then Thursday I have yet another workshop after school to learn to use the report card software my district uses. Holy shneikie! AND, in two weeks I have another release day to go take the training for a social skills/conflict resolution program for grade 4 and 5 students.

Yeah, I think that's about good for now, what do you think?

Speaking of professionally develloped (notice how my posts are all on a theme these days?), I have seen this on a few blogs recently, and hoo boy, is it intriguing, maddening, enlightening. As it says in the video, no wonder our view of beauty is so screwed up.

Onslaught of the parental units

Today is the first day of parent teacher interviews.

I think I'm going to die.

I have no idea why this freaks me out so much. Probably because I'm younger than all of my parents and I have no kids myself. Probably because this is my first time doing this and I feel like they're gong to see right through me and know how utterly and completely clueless I feel. Probably because I am too much of a sofite and worry that I won't be able to tell it like it is. "Uh, Mr and Mrs So-and-So, your child is way below grade level, doesn't pay attention in class, and takes and/or destroys other children's property. Oh yeah, and by the way, I know you do all your child's homework. It's not in the student's writing and there's no way your child could write like that. And by the way, you only got a C+ on your child's latest spelling assignment."

OK, so I wouldn't quite put it like that, but hey. But really, how do you tell a parent to stop doing their child's homework for them? Or that they need a psych assesment, and pronto?

Anyway, I have interviews today from 2:15 to 7:30 tonight, then again tomorrow from 2:15 till 5 or so. Friday is a Pro-D day, and I'm going to two different workshops in two different locations in the city. And I just got approval to go on Monday to do the training day for the best math program EVER (I'll have to post about that later), which is great, but it means that by Thursday, I need to have a day plan all ready to go for my sub on Monday. Ha! As IF I am that organized!

If you don't see a post by Saturday, you can just assume that my brain has exploded.

Wish me luck!

Dang, them radishes are spic-ay!

For about a year and a half now, I've heard a friend of mine raving about a sub sandwich place near my house. "Oooh, sweet torta subs!" I pass it all the time, but in the four years I've lived in my place, I've never gone there. Frankly, it's one of those places that just looks a little sketchy. And it probably is. But I finally went there yesterday with another friend for a late night snack as I was driving her home. She recommended the apple spice donut - kind of like a jelly donut, but different. As I discovered, it's not so much a donut, really, as a sweet powdery apple-filled piece of paradise. We got one to share and then also split a Vietnamese chicken sub. (The sandwich was little, and we were starving, don't judge me! ;) The bun was hot and crispy, the chicken was nuuuummy, and the sandwich was filled with cucumbers, carrots, and the spiciest radishes I have ever eaten. At least, I think they were radishes. They were long skinny white things (julienned something or others) that made my mouth almost burn right off. RIGHT! OFF! Haaaaat! It was strange, normally I'm good with spicy things. Oh, but it was THE best sandwich I have had in a very very long time. My friend was definitely right! Torta subs are my new nemisis. They're healthy, right? Please? Make it so?

~*~*~*~*~*~

Speaking of radishes... In yesterday's Monday Meeting at school, I was getting the kids all fired up about giving compliments. Trust me, this relates. Stick with me here.

"When we talked about our hopes and dreams for this year, we all said that we want this class to be a positive place where we all belong and feel welcome..." Yadda yadda yadda. All that good teacher talk. (It's all true, but there's just something about the way a teacher says it that makes it sound so... well, teacher-y.) Anyway, this week's challenge is to pay a compliment to every person in the class. So, we were talking abuot compliments, and I had the kids give me examples. We talked about being specific, making sure you really mean it, all that good stuff. I was getting things like, "Good job," "I like your sweater," "Nice work," "Good try," "Your hair looks nice today," "You're funny." You get the picture. Then PuppyDog (so named because follows me around the room wherever I go and I'm constantly telling him to sit down, put his hand up, and wait his turn) pipes up with this, said with flair:

"Your shirt is ravishing!"

I couldn't help but crack up. "Yes, PuppyDog, that would be a compliment!" We were sure to define the word and then I carried on, smiling to myself.

After the meeting, BookWormGirl came up to me to clarify: "Ms., what does radishing mean again?" HA!

"RaVishing, my dear, not raDishing," I say, amused.

"Ooooh. That makes more sense."

Yes. Yes it does.

Ah, I love how these kids make me giggle! *grin*

~*~*~*~*~*~

Aaaand, just to make this the most random post in the world...

Holy cow (or should I say, holy wildebeest!) I have discovered, THE coolest thing. It's called Africam. I found it thanks to Troll Baby, and it's a live 24 hour webcam of a natrual watering hole somewhere in South Africa. During the day, the camera pans around to where the animals are, zooms in and out, all that fun stuff. At night, it switches to a night vision cam. I had it running all evening last night while I was working on the computer. So far I've heard all kinds of birds, really really screechy monkies, and seen a deer, a rabbit, some unidentifiable creature, AND a whole herd of freaking water buffalo! This morning (yes, I checked before work!) there was a great gang of wildebeest there. It is SO cool! Check it out, but be warned, you'll get hooked! (By the way, the clarity is sooooo much better than what you see here!)

It's a boy!

Kieran Josiah was born to Rachelle and Nathan on Saturday morning, 6 pounds, 1 ounce. He was born by (planned) C-section, which is how I knew that she was having har baby when I posted on Saturday. What I didn't know was how accurate I was. I began my post on Saturday at 6:20am. When I was talking to Rachelle this morning (the very best wake up call!), I asked her when Kieran was born. 8:23am. Minus two hours for the time difference, and I litterally was writing that as he was being born! Cool!

Woohoo! Two boys for Rachelle and Nathan!

Inconsitstencies

Last night I was talking with a friend about how I am so blessed to have a good job, and the means to have a comfortable life. I realize that that is not the norm for most people, and I am guilty of taking it for granted, for sure, but when I take time to reflect, I am so so so grateful for it.

Today at church the sermon was about justice and mercy, and what it means to "do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God." A big part of that had to do with taking care of the poor. Something that really stuck out was the need to connect with all people, not just those in the same socio-economic status (or 'higher') as we are. I think it's pretty natural to make friends with people who are at our level (or 'above,' for lack of a better word), but really, how often do we - ok, I'll make it personal, do I - make it a point to connect with people who have considerably less than I do? And why is that?

It's not something that happens conciously, for sure, but what attitude is in me that I don't even realize? I mean, I know there are people out there who look down on people who are in a lower socio-economic class than them. There are all kinds of attitudes out there that prevent people from helping - or even just befriending - those who are in a 'lover' class than they are. And, I think, anyway, I don't have that kind of blatant attitude. But still, a lack of action based on some neutral attitude still has the same result: just that - a lack of action.

I was thinking today at church about how I can make a change in that area - to really get serious about the Bible's clear call to take care of the poor, the opressed, the orphaned, the widowed. I don't really know where to start. Our church has a number of programs that it runs that I could help out with, but I simply don't have the time this year with all the adjustments relating to my job. The thought occurred to me that some people have time to give, and others have money. As an invited guest was telling a little of his story during the service today - he lives on welfare and after rent and phone is paid for, he has $410 to live on each month. That's IT. - last night's conversation came screaming into my head. How is it that I have so much when others have so little? I don't have time to give, but I could certainly do without a few little things each month and make some shifts in the way I spend some of my income. I need to find a channel through which to do that, but it's an idea that began to take root this morning.

Cut to tonight. I was downtown for my dance lesson and had just parked in a little back alley lot behind the studio. I was trying to figure out how to pay at the stupid meter (trust me, it's stupid!) when a man came up to me and told me that I could actually park just around the corner for free. I was skeptical, but my friend went and checked it out and sure enough... so I moved my car. As we were walking away, the man asked if I would give him a few bucks, cause he got me free parking. Ah ha. Duh, why did I not see that coming? I muttered to him something about not having change, which was a total lie - I had a coupe of twonies in my pocket - and then muttered something to my friend about not giving money, I'd be happy to buy him food, but we were in a rush, blah blah blah. That IS usually my policy, but I mean, come on. After that whole thought process this morning, I couldn't even give the guy two bucks? After I had just NOT paid $5 for parking? What gives? I guess it just showed me that I really have a long way to go.

RIGHT! NOW! *updated*

As I type, my very bestest friend in the whole wide world is having baby #2!!!!

Why am I typing this instead of at the hospital? Well, she's about a million miles away in Iowa. I'm so sad that I can't be there, but SO excited for her and her hubby and their little guy! I can't believe she's a mommy of two! I'll post news as soon as I know. Not that anyone is dying to know, particularly, but I'm soooo excited!!!

*Update* Sorry, no baby news yet . Trust me, I'll be jumping for joy as soon as I know. But Barbara asked about how I came to have a very-bestest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world a-way down in Iowa. Rachelle and I both grew up in North Vancouver. We met at youth group in grade 9 and have been friends since then. A year or so (is that about right Rachelle?) after getting maried, her husband Nathan got a job as a pastor in Iowa, so they moved! So there ya go, Barbara (and anyone else who was curious)!

Um... cool??

So taking a gander through my list of recent search words that have landed people on my site (none of which were interesting - I can't figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing), I realized that a heck of a lot of people find my site by searching for all or part of the title of my blog. Yes, it's long. It can be shortened to "Awful Beautiful Life" or just plain ol' HelloHillary. Whatever. I've thought about shortening it, but I like the whole thing and you jsut don't get the same effect with a shortened version.

Anyway. Where was I?

Oh yeah. Search words. Well, it's a line from a Darryl Worley song, hence all the searches for it. I decided to find out how far up or down the Google hierarchy my site fell, so I typed in the full name of my blog. Holy cow! It's number two!

So I tried some variations, experimented, etc. Nothing particular to report, until I decided it would be fun to see what happened when I googled "crazy Hillary."

Number three.

Of aaallllll the internet, when people look for "crazy Hillary" I am the third website they will find.

Super.

*Update:* Go find out what happens when you search for the same thing on Yahoo. Go ahead. I dare you.

Just look up

So I was thinking of writing a big long list of things I was thankful for this year, but then remembered that that's what I did last year (hence my post yesterday!), and my list would be pretty much the same.

But I've been mulling over the words thankfulness and gratitude for the last few days, and I've realized that I need to keep those attitudes much more in the forefront of my mind. I've realized, particularly after reading my post from last year, that I take so much for granted. So. Much. Life gets busy, hectic, I just kinda end up living it, and don't take enough time to really see how blessed I am. Is it just me, or does it take a conscious effort to take a step back and be thankful? I know some people who have just made it a habit, so much so that they don't really have to think about it. "Oh, yeah, I need to remember to be grateful." No, it just spills out of them. I want to be like that!

Oh, but I am so blessed. A few things lately have really made me appreciate my family in particular. A friend commented to me the other day, "It sounds like you had a really good childhood," or something along those lines. And you know what? I did. I know nothing but a loving, supportive family, and for that I am so so grateful. My parents are awesome. They are always encouraging, always supportive, and more and more we talk about what's really going on in our lives. It's good. My brother and sister, too - we're getting to be better friends now, and I enjoy hanging out with them. I have grandparents who are crazy about me (hee hee!) and pray for me daily, and an extended family who are fantastic. The older I get, the more I appreciate my family.

I have a good job that I love, and a great environment in which to work. I have friends I know I can count on, be silly with, and grow with. I live in a place in the world where there is peace and, really, more wealth than we know what to do with.

Maybe it sounds cliche to list off these types of things: family, work, friends, peace... but really, the more I think about it, the more grateful I am for these things. Big and little, I'm trying to get better at seeing things through "gratitude glasses.*"

The biggest thing, though, that I'm thankful for is Jesus Christ. His sacrifice, his love. To remember to be thankful, really all I need to do is to just look up.

___________________
* Some kids story on tape when I was growing up was one of these "stories with a lesson" things. There was a song about "let's all have a gratitude attitude" and something about putting on gratitude glasses. Funny, the things we remember!

Looking back...

The nice thing about journals, online or otherwise, is that they allow a person to go back and to look over where they've come from. It's always revealing to read, and usually pretty encouraging to see the changes that happen over a year.

Coming up to Thanksgiving again, I looked back at what I wrote last year. My post started out with, "I feel like I've been in a funk for a year." Wow. Yeah, I remember that. I felt like I just couldn't get out of this feeling that things were not quite right - with friends and relationships, with God, with just kind of life in general. It was so frustrating, because it just seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop feeling so... I don't know. So down. I couldn't seem to make things better.

I don't know when that changed, but reading that made me realize that that heavy feeling is gone! Poof! It must have been a gradual shift. Thank goodness for journals, or I may not have noticed! I still have ups and downs and whatever, but no more funk! Yay! I guess that can be the very first thing I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving weekend. It's a big one!

In the meantime, here's my Thanksgiving post from last year. It's funny, it pretty much all holds true this year, too. (But no, no, I'm not copping out... I'll write something tomorrow, too!)
_______________

October 10, 2005

I feel like I've been in a funk for a year. I'm tired of feeling this way. Sometimes when you're looking too closely at your problems or the things that don't quite seem right in your life, you can miss the big picture. It's time to lift my eyes up off of myself and get a change in perspective...

* Jesus Christ * fall leaves crunching underfoot * Nana, who has prayed for me every single day of my life * the chance to see some of the most magestic sights I've ever seen this summer * beginning a solid career at age 24 * those trees whose leaves turn colours from the inside out, leaving red leaves on the outside, yellow in the middle, and green closest to the trunk * having friends I know I can rely on when things are tough * oreo ice cream * my parents' example of a solid, lasting marriage * finally beginning to be friends with my sister * puffy white clouds against blue sky * country music that makes me cry because it reminds me of what's important * wonderful, friendly, caring landlords * the means to meet every need I have and more * my car (yes, MY car) which gets me where I need to go. Usually. * grace * living in Vancouver * having a life free of major disaster or pain * my pompom socks, which remind me of my best friend * hugs from kids * the experience of having loved * being raised in a Christian home * the chance to have gone to university * a wonderful roommate experience * a friend who is always able to talk sense into me * some painful experiences over the last year * a God who will never leave me * my suite * a church home that encourages me to be who I am, the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly * I am safe and warm at night * laughter * the night sky * memories * Camp Kawkawa * the touch of a friend's hand on my arm * joy * the security of knowing my parents will always be there for me, no matter what * the ocean * my dog * freedom * a season of searching * gerbera daisies * God's faithfulness * wind that whips my hair around my face * music * chocolate * not getting what I think I want sometimes * sunshine * second (and third, and fourth, and fifth... ) chances * being able to be myself * the constant struggle to figure out who I am *

My life, just as it is
where I have come from
the road I am pointed towards
the joy I feel when I remember all I have been given
the hurt and longing and confusion that comes with living
waking up every morning
to the knowledge that I am safe
in the hands of the creator of the universe
and that this same God
knows me deeply and personally... ME!
My life, just as it is...

For all these things and infinitely more, I am thankful.

I'm such a party animal

Friday night - time to party! I've done well the last two weeks, I must say.

Last week: three loads of laundry and some Indian take-out with my roommate Trudy (who is no longer my roommate - boohoo! She's moved onwards and upwards to her own place now, yay for her, wah for me!).

This week: Marking math tests and two weeks of spelling tests in front of some mediocre TV, reading some blogs, and falling into bed by 10:45.

I can't even contain my excitement about what may transpire NEXT Friday night. Perhaps I'll watch some paint dry! Yesss!

Oh MAN! I think this makes me officially OLD! :P

It doesn't take much

I didn't say anything until about half an hour till home time today. But there were clues. Oh, sweet clues that only I knew about, building them up, teasing them, all without them knowing what was going on... How I love messing with my kiddos! Hee hee hee!

As I said yesterday, I got two glowing reports from my substitutes from the last two days, and I was SO proud of my kids for being so well behaved. I decided that I would give them some popcorn and read a chapter or two from the book I am reading to them. It would be a great way to end the week - they've had a lot of work to do this week - and head off into the long weekend, plus, they'll be far more likely to be well behaved for a TOC the next time!

In the morning, I told the kids that we had to talk about the note the TOCs left for me, and that's what we would be doing in the blank spot on the "shape of the day" at the end of the day.

At recess, I popped four bags of popcorn in the staffroom, and right after recess I took my kids down to the library for book exchange. I took a slightly different route, being sure to parade them past the staffroom so they could get the full effect of the popcorn smell wafting through the hallways.

I asked, "Oooh, do you smell that popcorn??? It's making me HUNGRY!" I made sure every kid noticed it (how could they NOT?).

We got our books at the library, did our end-of-the-week jobs, and got all ready to go home. Then, with about 30 minutes to spare - the kids all sitting in their desks ,eyes on me, tables clear, I told them, in a very stern voice, "We need to talk about these two notes the guest teachers left for me. I think I need to read them to you."

They looked terrified! Ha! It was great!

I proceeded to read the notes, which included phrases like, "an exceptional class," "very well behaved," "no problems at all," "a lovely group." They started to get the idea. I had to wink at a few who were still confused. I then made the biggest hoopla about it...

"I am SO! PROUD! OF! YOU! These are the kind of notes teachers only DREAM about!" I said, placing the back of my hand on my forehead and flinging my head back. "WAY! TO! GO!" and so on and so forth...

I told them to wait right there, and I'd be back... I arrived back with my arms loaded up with four bags of popcorn and announced, "Remember that popcorn? It's for YOU!" Everyone erupted into cheers! Yaaay! So fun!

We dished out, found seats with friends, and I read them a chapter or two of our book while they chowed down. What a great way to end the week!

(I sure hope they don't expect this every time I have a sub! Hee hee!)

No, it's not PMS!

I have to say, I have never experienced as many highs and lows in a job as I have over the last month. I thought I was going insane - no really - completely and totally unstable - until I was at a workshop today and was reminded that this is totally normal for first year teachers.

One minute I am so excited about the new prospects of my job and the kids and all the cool stuff I will get to do this year. The next, I am dispairing at how ill-equipped and totally overwhelmed I feel, and am wondering how on earth I am going to be able to do this job with even a hintof adequacy. I worry about my motivation factor to spend the time required to do a good job. I think it's low. I am having SUCH a hard time keeping up with marking (and don't even get me started on planning!), and I feel like it's all I ever talk about. I feel bad for my friends, particularly those who I talk to often, cause that's all they hear from me. Marking, marking, marking, whine whine, whine.

In fact, I took a day off on Wednesday as a "let's try to avoid a breakdown" day. Beter one day off now than five days off later, right? I had two naps and got a little bit caught up on my marking, but by no means enough.

Then today (Thursday) I was at union workshop. One of the sessions was about the teacher rehabilitation program, and in talking about some of the services they offer, they made mention of new teachers totally elated one day and then balling their eyes out the next, and I went, "Ah HA! So I'm NOT going nuts!!!" Now I'm not in need of stress leave or anything, but it made me realize that hey, this is normal.

I'm trying so hard to find the balance between the much heavier workload I have now and keeping up with some of the things that are important to me - helping out at church, spending time with friends, etc. and I don't feel like I've got a good handle on it yet. BUT, these two days out of the classroom have given me a bit of a mental break, and I'm ready to go attack things again. Plus, I got a little boost today on my way home...


This was the first time I'd left my kids with a TOC (teacher on call) and I was a little nervous - how would they be? Well, I stopped by school on my way home from the workshop jsut to drop something off and to check out the note left by my TOCs. Both days, the subs left glowing notes about my kiddos. They said that they are a lovely class, had no problems, and that the days went great!

Ooooh! I am so proud of them!!! I can't wait to go in tomorrow and tell them how pleased I am with them, and what a great report I got back from both TOCs! They're SO getting a "Popcorn Friday" tomorrow (hey, a little positive reinforcement never hurt anyone, eh?)!!! Woohoo!

Maybe the popcorn will help distract them from the fact that I STILL don't have their math tests marked.... *sigh*

I think I'm just going to have to resign myself to riding the emotional roller coaster this year. Those of you who know me, consider this fair warning!

Hugs from God

Every now and then, I feel like God knows that I need a little cheering up. I love how he uses people to give little hugs - just to remind us that he's there, and that he loves us.

This week was a pretty gloomy one at school. We found out early in the week that the school board had grossly overestimated student enrolment for this year. All of a sudden, they found themselves with 1,100 fewer students than they thought they would have. And that meant that there would have to be cuts. Once all the numbers got crunched we learned that we had to cut ESL and resource staffing by 0.6 of a position. That may not sound like much, but it's basically one person, three days a week. It's huge. And it all gets cut from the kids who need it most. Yes, the argument is that, well, there are fewer kids, so it shouldn't make a difference. BUT, it just doesn't work that simply. It still means less support for the kids who need it.

Wednesday, on our professional day, we learned who it was that was going to be cut. It all goes by seniority, so the low (wo)man on the totem pole had to go, and then there would be a big shuffle to get everything covered again. Well that person ended up being one of the other grade 5 teachers at my school. You know, one of the ones who has been SO fabulous with encouraging me, helping me plan, and just basically being one of the most dedicated, enthusiastic, caring teachers I know. Yeah, her. Because she's a classroom teacher and you can't just leave the class teacher-less half the week, the next lowest person would be offered her job.

It all got very complex, but basically, the second lowest teacher, B - who has been running an absolutely fantastic life skills class for a number of special needs students - declined the piecemeal job of the other grade 5 teacher, P. Thankfully it means that P gets to stay, but it also means that B has to leave the school and take a permanent subbing job (she gets her wage still, but never knows where she'll be from day to day). It sucks sucks sucks that she has to leave. She, too, is such a dedicated person, and has been at our school (part time, hence the low seniority) for ages.

Everybody is really glum, and worried about how the ESL and learning assistance program will look now. Oh, and the piddly version of a music "program" that they were going to do for the intermediates (mandatory intermediate choir once a week)? That got cancelled cause of this whole kerfuffle, too. Super. We even cancelled our back to school social on Friday. Nobody feels like a party right now.

Anyway, that's been the climate at work this past week. Total suckage. It's brought up squabbles about all kinds of things - people are stressed out - and union vs HR debates and all kinds of yucky stuff, the biggest of which is B having to leave the school.

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty bummed on Thursday when I was leaving work. It was early evening, so most of the kids had gone home. But as I was walking to my car, I saw a little girl who was in one of my French music classes last year. She's in grade 4 this year, so she's what, nine? She smiled and me and said hello. In French, she asked me how my grade 5 class was this year, and did I like my new job. I told her I did, but that I missed teaching music, too. We talked for a few minutes and she told me all about her violin - she had joined strings this year, about her new teacher, about her summer. Then she told me that she missed having me as a music teacher. Aw!

It was such a little thing - just a cute little conversation with a former student, but it was so nice to have that little interaction. Among all the yuckiness, it was a total highlight of my week.

God knew I needed a hug and he gave me one in the form of a little girl named Jessica.

The worst limmerick ever

There once was a young lass named Hillary
Who got a cut on her little capillary
She can't rhyme a bit, this limmerieck is sh...oddy
Now what's a new rhyme word for Hillary?

Now see? This is what happenes when I blog over tired. I got nothin'.

Exhausted, embarassed, and enraged

Exhausted? Yep, that's me. It hit me like a brick wall tonight. I feel like I can't even move. Everything seems to be catching up with me right now. I think I've mentionned that I'm helping out with the Alpha Course at my church this term. Well, part of it is a one hour talk on video. You know, dark room, no moving, just listening... yeah, some leader *I* am - I couln't keep my eyes open. That makes two weeks in a row. Gah! I still heard everything, and (thankfully!) didn't do the head jerk thing, but still! What kind of example am I setting for people?!?! They're really good talks, too, it's not like they're the problem! This year will have me learning to like coffee yet. Heh, maybe I should stash some Red Bull in my purse for Wednesday nights! I really do need to get some better sleeping habits!

Embarassed? Check! On Saturday I went for a beautiful hike on Whistler mountain with some friends (a few pictures are here). Afterwards we headed back to town to get changed and to go hang out with our friend John who left yesterday for nine months of travelling through Asia, Australia, and New Zealand. The only snag in that plan was when I got back to my car. Uhhh... where are my keys? Not in the usual key pocket in my backpack... not in the main part of the bag... or in the front pocket... oh crap. That's right. I had pulled just the essentials, or so I had thought, out of my purse before the hike and put them in my backpack, leaving my purse locked in the trunk. Apparently I had neglected to think about transferring my keys out. Yeeeah. That's greeeeat. I hung out at my friend Brian's place (where my car was parked) while I waited for a tow truck to come and unlock my car. Thank goodness I opted for that little bit of roadside assistance last time I renewed my insurance! The tow truck guy took no more than 1.7 seconds to pop open my door (good to know Civics are so secure!) and I opened the trunk and grabbed my purse, reaching my hand into the frot pocket where I usually keep my keys...

No keys. Well, they must be in the main part. Nope, not there either. Ooo-kay, how about this pocket. Nu-uh. Huh. Where are my keys?

Oooooooh. Riiight. I was in a hurry to transfer my stuff before the hike, so I took my lip gloss - and my keys - and jammed them into the mesh side pocket of my backpack. You know, the one I had with me hiking? The one that was sitting back up in Brian's appartment? The one I had all along? Yeah, that one. Soooo, basically, I called a tow truck for nothing. That's super. Welcome to yet another chapter in the life of Hillary! Bwuah ha haaa!

So, the last thing... this enraged thing? Yeah. I am SO upset right now. I don't want to get into it here right now except to say that some bad stuff went down in my school district and we just learned the implications of it today. It SUCKS, and I'm super mad, but I have nowhere to direct my anger/frustration/disappointment/whatever. GAAR! Yes, I still have my job, it's not that. I'll get into it later. For now I have to sleeeep. My roomate just blurted out, "Ugh! Why does it hurt to be awake?!?" That pretty much sums things up for me, too.

Goodnight!

Blogger blahs

I simply can not think of anything to write about these days. Man oh man. I was flipping through some old posts the other day and yikes, the quality control folks here at hellohillary land have fallen asleep on the job lately. But hey, I suppose I shouldn't be announcing to y'all that my blog sucks these days! I DO want you to stick around.

So my plan was, going into this year, to back off on all the nutso stuff I'm involved in and take it easy. Yeah, ummm... so that hasn't happened. I think it's actually physically impossible for me not to be busy. It's all fantastic stuff, though, and belive it or not, between dancing lessons, helping with the Alpha course at my church, young adults, and an every-two-weeks Bible study/prayer group with two girlfriends, I have cut down my involvement quite a bit. Oh well! I love it, and am always wishing I could do more. I still haven't gotten around to the photography course or African drumming lessons I was wanting to do back in the spring. Silly job. It keeps getting in the way of things I want to do.

In other news, life in grade five seems to be progressing well. It's funny, everyone is always asking me, "How's your class?" I never really know what to say. "Uhh... it's good!" Very intelligent of you, Hillary! Though it is SO nice to be in a workplace environment where people care and are interested in how I'm doing. I'm trying not to get so wrapped up in all the stuff I'm learning and all the big and little jobs I have to do each day (ugh, I never realized how much of an accountant I have to be as a classroom teacher. Collecting money for this, order forms for that... I'm a freaking bank!) that I forget about building up positive relationships with the kids. I'm not sure how I'm doing with that yet. We'll see.

In yet other news, I think God is trying to teach me about patience and trust again. Apparently I haven't gotten it the first nine thousand seven hundred and eighty-two times he's tried to teach me. I'm kinda thick that way!

Finally, I'd like to wish you all a happy last day of summer! Autum begins tonight at 9:03pm. I'm kinda sad. I mean, I'm already in fall mode with school starting and everything, but this has been the most amazing summer. Hiking, swimming, hanging out with friends, travelling... it's been so great. But I do love fall, too. I love the leaves, the crisp air, the smell of damp woods, drizzly Sunday afternoons spent cozied up with hot chocolate and a good book or movie. Yay for fall!

I now present...

No more tenants for me! That silly "rent my blog" thing has been empty for far too long, so I decided to put that space to better use...

My friend Brian is an extremely talented photographer, and seeing as I'm always telling people about his site anyway, I figured it was about time to highlight it here! He's done lots of travelling, too, so he's had no shortage of amazing images to capture. Check out the section in my sidebar called "Photography by Brian" or just click here to be taken to his galleries. Trust me on this one, folks, go check out his website!

Here's a taste of some of his photography to give you a little nudge...



Clicking the photos above will take you to a larger view. Click here for the gallery homepage.

One word

As an icebreaker/get to know you ativity at young adults tonight, we were asked to tell the people at our table our name and one word to describe how we were feeling right then. Gah! Only one?

I decided I needed to settle on 'excited.' Excited about my class, excited about new possibilities, excited about life in general, I guess. With that excitement comes a type of fear, too. Maybe fear is not the best word for it... apprehension? questionning? wondering if or how I'll know how to do the right thing? But overall, the last few weeks have left me really really looking forward to what's coming next. And that's a fun place to be in.

Tricky, complex, testing out new waters, learning to relate in new ways, learning about myself, learning about others. Even among the late nights, paper overload, little sleep, and general insanity which has been my life for the last few weeks, life is good.

You've GOT to be kidding me... (300th post)

Well, I just learned a lesson. Never ever use a credit card to call Vancouver from a payphone in Amsterdam. Ev-ver. I called my parents and left a message (the entire call was under two minutes, I timed it) with my flight info so they could come pick me up at the airport when I got home. Turns out that phone call cost me $39.80.

And to think that I did that cause I didn't want to buy a 5 Euro phone card and only use a tiny bit of it.

Leapin' lizards!

Huh?

Can someone please explain this? Cause I sure can't! But still, it's kinda fun!




OH OH OH... I was ganna stop at one, but I'm sitting by myself at my computer laughing till tears are coming out at this one...



And if you want some more, try this, or this.

ADDENDUM: Yes, I realize most of you are looking at this going, "Ummm.... ooooo-kay." I was tired, hungry, and I'm getting sick. That's a better excuse than "I'm a wacko," which is probably closer to the truth! ;-)

Success!

I have officially survived my first week! Yes! I've been at school ridiculous hours this week, and hardly any prep or marking has even started yet, so I'm a little scared of what, oh, I dunno, report card time will bring, but I guess I'll drown under that load cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've met a few parents already, most who I had already met, albeit briefly, when I was teaching music. They've all been really nice so far, though I've been warned about one parent. But I've also been told about how to deal with this parent, so it'll all be good. I hope!

I've had a few parents come in to tell me a little bit about thier kids, which I appreciate. One parent added that his kid was a little worried about having me, specifically, as a teacher. He assured me that he had no concerns, though. I laughed - I had this child's class last year for music, and the class was a really tough one, so I always felt like all I did was grouch and gripe at them the whole year long, so yeah, I can see why the poor kid would be concerned! I have since been assured that this child now thinks I'm "pretty nice." Yesss!! Oh these poor kids. They still are pretty little. I have to try to remember what it's like starting a new school year: new teacher, new classmates, best friends in other classes... They're still pretty nervous, I think!

In other news, I've signed up for a dance class on Sunday nights! Who'da thunk it! The same friend that sucked me into going to an Irish Calieh (or however you spell it) - which I thoughroughly enjoyed - sucked me into an 8 week "Funky Swing" class. There's a whole group of friends going, and it's going to be a blast! I can't wait!

Back to school*

The morning air even felt different today as I headed to my car for the first day of school. It was cooler, and there was still a little bit of fog in the air. I could see my breath for the first time this season. "Here we go!" I thought, as I stepped into my car and headed to work...

This year feels SO much different than last year. Last year I was nearly dreading starting school again. I felt worn out, beat up, and out of ideas. The year, while overall still a good one, was tough. The change from teaching music to grade five came at the perfect time.

I spent all last week setting up my classroom, and I'm really happy with the way it looks. It's bright and cheery (woohoo, real live light! My music room was in the basement and so tended to be kinda dark!), it's colour co-ordinated, and it's all organized and ready to go (click the picture for more). It won't look like this ever again, but hey, a gal's got to start somewhere!


The kids were just at school for an hour today, but the real deal starts tomorrow. Kids will find out who their new teachers are first thing, and the year will get rolling. They don't know it yeat, but they're already going to have homework. Yeah, yeah, I'm such a meanie pants. They'll just have to suck it up!

The more I think about my job, and the way I even landed at this school, the more I am blown away by God's grace and provision for me. When I started at my school in September 2003, it was a part time music job, the absolute perfect thing for my first year of teaching. Just enough to live on, not too heavy a prep/marking load, and only 40 minutes a week with each class so I couldn't really screw them up too badly! ;-) I got laid off at the end of my first year, but ended up being hired back at the same school for the fall. My second year I was able to go to full time, in part by taking on teaching the French Immersion kids music, too. Yeehaw! Full time salary, plus I got to use my French. No layoffs that year thanks to a spring election, so I got to stay at my school again and by the end of my third year, had enough seniority under my belt to escape layoffs should they come about again. Of course, by the end of my third year, I was reeealy ready for a change. Huh, would you look at that? A grade 5 teacher was retiring. Now, with this position, I am working with the best team I could ever ask for - the other grade 5 class is shared by two teachers, both of whom have lots of experience, lots of materials, and lots of willingnes to share and help me out. They are the reason I'm not totally terrified this year!

Yay God for going above and beyond my expectations once again!
_______________________________________________
* This week has been BUSY! Proof positive is the face that I started writing this on Tuesday night and have only now completed it on Thursday! Oy!

Sad News

I just heard via Ellen's blog that Steve Irwin (the Crocodile Hunter) died! He was stung by a sting ray while filming for a documentary that was to be called "Ocean's Deadliest." That's so crazy. I mean, in a way it's not a surprise that he died the way he did, but still, he was really young and leaves behind a wife and two little kids. I loved watching his show - he was such a great advocate for animals, and really was passionate about educating people about them. I know he had his share of controversy, but he was great. It's so sad!