The nice thing about journals, online or otherwise, is that they allow a person to go back and to look over where they've come from. It's always revealing to read, and usually pretty encouraging to see the changes that happen over a year.
Coming up to Thanksgiving again, I looked back at what I wrote last year. My post started out with, "I feel like I've been in a funk for a year." Wow. Yeah, I remember that. I felt like I just couldn't get out of this feeling that things were not quite right - with friends and relationships, with God, with just kind of life in general. It was so frustrating, because it just seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop feeling so... I don't know. So down. I couldn't seem to make things better.
I don't know when that changed, but reading that made me realize that that heavy feeling is gone! Poof! It must have been a gradual shift. Thank goodness for journals, or I may not have noticed! I still have ups and downs and whatever, but no more funk! Yay! I guess that can be the very first thing I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving weekend. It's a big one!
In the meantime, here's my Thanksgiving post from last year. It's funny, it pretty much all holds true this year, too. (But no, no, I'm not copping out... I'll write something tomorrow, too!)
October 10, 2005
I feel like I've been in a funk for a year. I'm tired of feeling this way. Sometimes when you're looking too closely at your problems or the things that don't quite seem right in your life, you can miss the big picture. It's time to lift my eyes up off of myself and get a change in perspective...
* Jesus Christ * fall leaves crunching underfoot * Nana, who has prayed for me every single day of my life * the chance to see some of the most magestic sights I've ever seen this summer * beginning a solid career at age 24 * those trees whose leaves turn colours from the inside out, leaving red leaves on the outside, yellow in the middle, and green closest to the trunk * having friends I know I can rely on when things are tough * oreo ice cream * my parents' example of a solid, lasting marriage * finally beginning to be friends with my sister * puffy white clouds against blue sky * country music that makes me cry because it reminds me of what's important * wonderful, friendly, caring landlords * the means to meet every need I have and more * my car (yes, MY car) which gets me where I need to go. Usually. * grace * living in Vancouver * having a life free of major disaster or pain * my pompom socks, which remind me of my best friend * hugs from kids * the experience of having loved * being raised in a Christian home * the chance to have gone to university * a wonderful roommate experience * a friend who is always able to talk sense into me * some painful experiences over the last year * a God who will never leave me * my suite * a church home that encourages me to be who I am, the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly * I am safe and warm at night * laughter * the night sky * memories * Camp Kawkawa * the touch of a friend's hand on my arm * joy * the security of knowing my parents will always be there for me, no matter what * the ocean * my dog * freedom * a season of searching * gerbera daisies * God's faithfulness * wind that whips my hair around my face * music * chocolate * not getting what I think I want sometimes * sunshine * second (and third, and fourth, and fifth... ) chances * being able to be myself * the constant struggle to figure out who I am *
My life, just as it is
where I have come from
the road I am pointed towards
the joy I feel when I remember all I have been given
the hurt and longing and confusion that comes with living
waking up every morning
to the knowledge that I am safe
in the hands of the creator of the universe
and that this same God
knows me deeply and personally... ME!
My life, just as it is...
For all these things and infinitely more, I am thankful.