A promise

The past few weeks he's been getting worse. Johnny (not his real name), a little boy in the primary grades, never really participated in music, but at least he'd sit off to the side quietly. I gave up trying to make him join in, because the more I'd encourage him, the more he would retreat. Recently, he's been getting more disruptive and his behaviour has been more and more defiant. Johnny, however, is not a typical kid acting up in music.

Just one look at him and how he behaves makes me wonder what life at home is like. Behaviour like this is not a little boy's natural response, that's for sure.

The last two weeks have been the most difficult. Whenever he is asked to do something, he refuses, and just starts muttering, "Hit me... hit me... hit me..." When the other children are waving purple and blue ribbons to look like waves and singing a bright little song, there is Johnny, trying to get in the way of the sticks the ribbons are attatched to so they will hit him, all the while muttering, "Hit me... hit me..." And when I asked him to move so that he was sitting against the wall and not underfoot? "Good, I can bang my head against it." I have heard him ask, to no-one in particular, "Do you want me to kill myself?"

This is a young, young child. That these words are even crossing his lips makes me want to cry.

I don't even know how to respond. I want to whisk him away to a place where he will be safe, where he will be loved. Where he is not afraid. But mostly I just want to cry for him. Jesus, you never meant for it to be like this. You never meant for a child to know such hurt that at eight years old he talks about killing himself. Kids are meant to be hugged and loved and taught to ride bikes and taken to the park to play and reassured that they are safe and nothing in the whole wide world can hurt them, because mommy and daddy are there. Sometimes I don't even know how to pray for him. What do you say? And why does God allow this?

I had Johnny in my class again today. "Hit me... hit me.... hit me...."

He was the last one out of the room today, and as his classmates followed their teacher back to their class, I crouched down, did my best to look him in the eye (he rarely makes eye contact), and took his little hands in mine. He held on.

"Johnny, I will never hit you. I don't want to hurt you. You are a good boy, and I like you. It makes me sad when you ask me to hit you. I will never hurt you. I promise."

He asked some question about the instruments that were behind me. I answered him, then told him again, "I will never hit you... Okay?" He looked at me and said ok as he ran off to catch up with his class.

I wonder if he saw the tears in my eyes.

Big Decisions

I have till Friday to make a huuuge decision, and I'm stumped.

'Tis the season for the teachers at my school to let the principal know if they are thinking about a change for next year - transfers, increases in time, reductions in time, change of grade levels, etc.

At the end of last year, I was so exhausted and was not feeling like I was doing a good job teaching music, and I swore high and low that this year would be my last. Even going back to school this past fall, I was feeling flat out of inspiration. Next year, I told myself, I will try to get into teh classroom. The only condition was that I didn't want to leave my school. I love love love it and all the people there.

As this school year has progressed, it's become public knowledge that there will be three openings in the English intermediate area for next year, which is almost unheard of at my school (everyone else loves it too, and once there, nobody ever wants to leave!). So the possibility of me moving to the classroom is a good one.

I just don't know if I want to.

This is my third year of teaching music. I started out not knowing anything (I majored in French!) and have gone to workshop after workshop, looked at book after book and learned via trial and lots of error. I'm nowhere near the kind of teacher I want to be, but every year gets easier and easier. I'm developing the program such that it's beginning to be consistent (each year, the grade 4's do this, the grade 5's do that ,etc). It's nice, because I go into each progressive year knowing more and more of the background of what the kids have learned the year before, and we can build on that. It's kind of fun, too, knowing every kid in the school. I feel like they're all "my kids." All 680 of them. Yipe. I don't usually have to deal with parents, and my report cards, while there are a lot of them, don't usually take me that long because they're nowhere near as involved. Another BIG plus is that I have less prep and marking than I would working full time as a classroom teacher. This has allowed me to actually have a life, something I'm enjoying very much.

But there are downsides, too. My voice suffers - I'm constantly losing it. It's exhausting, because it's such a "get up and move around" kind of class. I often say I feel like a performing monkey sometimes - I'm either leading singing, or teaching a dance, or trying to keep three groups of kids with instruments in time: "Ok, this group, you follow the rythm I'm doing with my feet. You - follow the rhythm I'm dong with my hands. And you guys, you follow what I'm doing with my mouth." I kid you not. I put on a pretty good show, I have to say! Classroom management is hard, too. The kids see it as a fun time where their regular teacher is not there, and so many tend to act up more than they would normally. It's really hard to follow through with discipline because I only see them once a week for 40 minutes. It's hard to say to an eight year old at 9:30 in the morning, "OK, Johnny, that's it, you've got a detention. Come see me at 3." Yeah right. And day to day consequences can't happen, because by the time I see them again a week later, it's no longer effective. I think the biggest downside is that I feel like because of my lack of formal training as a music teacher, I feel that as much as I want to, I can't give them the musical education they deserve. I go to all these workshops and see these amazing ideas, and I can impliment some of them, but I just don't have the skills to put it all together, and it's discouraging sometimes. It's like not being able to meet your own (probably too high) expectations.

Heading to the classroom would be great in a lot of ways. I'd be able to have my own group of kids, and get to know them on a much bette level than I do now. Right now kids are basically in three categories for me : kids who kick up a fuss in music, kids who are kinda quitet and just play along, and kids who are really talented or especially cute or like me particualry. That sounds terrible now that I write it out like that. I just don't get to know many of them on a level deep enough to see their individual strengths and personality. Being in a classroom would allow me to do that. I think my schedule would be a lot calmer, becuase there would actually be downtimes where the kids are working or whatever, and I wouldn't have to be "on" all day. I would be in control of my own schedule a lot more, instead of having other classes' field trips/projects/whatever interupting my program or switching up my schedule (which happens, it's no big deal, it's just that my schedule would be more my own). I would also get to teach things like art and science and French... all things I miss teaching now. I think overall, this is the better choice for me, except for one thing...

Heading to the classroom would be like starting from the beginning again. The first year of teaching is always tons of work. There's lots of prep, lots of marking, and while it gets easier the more years you do it, teaching is a job that can very easily take over a person's life. I enjoy having time to be involved at my church, or to take a class, or to hang out with friends and family. I've been really fortunate these last three years to be able to do that, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up. It might seem paradoxical, but I'm also worried that I'm lazy. I don't know if I would actaully DO the work involved to do a good job. The last thing I want to be is a crappy teacher who just does the bare minimum, takes forever to get kid's work marked and handed back, etc. When thinking about setting up a timetable or a schedule for my class, I feel so overwhelmed. What do I do? Were do I start?

I think when it comes right down to it, the biggest thing I'm worried about is the change: giving up my music program and starting over in something else. I'm also afraid of not knowing how to set boundaries so that I can have the balance between being well prepared and doing all the work required, but not letting it take over my life.

I'm honestly at such a loss. I wonder if the events of the last few weeks are telling me that it's time for a change, but then I was looking around my classroom this morning thinking about packing it up and moving on, and I just had no idea what to do. I eventually want to be in the classroom, and the opportunty is there for next year, but I don't know if I'm ready. I have till Friday to decide.

Anyone want to try to read into my (rather lenghty) ramblings and give me some insight? Cause I just don't know, and it's making me crazy.

Reason # 137 why I love Rick Mercer

Have you seen the Capital One's "Hands in my pocket" ads on TV recently? They're advertising a low fee credit card and comparing it against other companies' higher rates. There's a catchy tune playing the phrase "hands in my pocket" over and over while people go about thier daily lives with a straight-faced, grey haired man in a suit following them around with, well, his hand in their pocket. My favourites are the guy getting dressed in the morning trying to figure out how to put on his pants with the suit dude attatched and the people playing tennis or jogging. Very fun.

Well, Rick Mercer, a Canadian comedian and genius satirist (is that even a word? ... a purveyor of satire), has created a spoof. Thanks for sending it my way, MD!

Temptation

Call it a moment of weakness.

It's been a long time since he and I last met. We'd usually meet for breakfast, or sometimes we'd meet after work or for dinner, but we haven't spent any time together for over a year. Even so, I still run into him every few weeks. Usually I rush on by, doing my best not to think about him. Sometimes I pause for a brief second, wondering if I should give it another go. But no. He's one of those who just isn't good for me no matter how much I want him to be. It's just those eyes. They're the brightest, bluest eyes I've ever seen........No. It's not right. I try to convince myself of this and head on to more grown up, responsible choices.

I saw him again tonight. I met his eyes and I was filled with memories of how it used to be. But as sweet as he tasted on my lips, he never was one to be really deep. He wasn't fulfilling, but he was fun, sometimes nearly addicting.

I'll rationalize it by saying that I'd had a bad day (see below). I was tired. I just wanted something comforting, familiar. I almost walked on by again, but tonight I stopped, I reached out. I'm not proud of it. I guess I'm still a sucker for a man in uniform. He is a Captian, after all. Or should I say, a Cap'n.

His name, you ask?

Cap'n Crunch.

Why do I bother? *UPDATED*

***UPDATED BELOW***

Well, today I officially feel useless.

Before spring break, my grade seven students were all set and ready to perform the project they had been working on since January. It was the last week before spring break, and everybody knew performances were coming. The day before performance day, I found out by accident that one of the teachers had scheduled a last minute field trip to watch a basket ball game and HALF of my students would be gone. It totally screwed up everybody's performances, threw a major wrench in my evaluations and my ability to write report cards, and basically made me feel like the whole term was a big fat waste. The kids had been working for so long on their projects, for what? To not perform them? I was sooo glad that a basketball game was more important than three months worth of student's - and my - effort. Most kids ended up being able to perform, but only after some serious gymnastics with the schedule, and still there were some who just didn't get to do it. Mainly it left me feeling really undervalued.

Cut to spring break. I spent half the week stressing about how to write these report cards for the kids who didn't do their performances, how to work around kids who went on early holidays, etc etc etc. Many hours were spent tallying, writing comment bases, and making sure marks and comments were fair and accurate. I finally finished early this morning, after going to sleep around midnight and getting up at five just to get them done.

A quick explanatory note before I continue: For my intermediate students, I give letter grades every term, but only give comments once. I sent out a note to all teachers about six weeks ago telling them who would be getting comments when and to get back to me if there were problems, because I evaluate things differently if I have to make comments (ie. not just a test score, but what sections they did well on and what sections they had trouble with). It takes way more time to evaluate a class I'm commenting on than one I'm not.

So this morning I handed the results of all that work to a few of the teachers, and I was met with, "Oh, we don't have room on our report cards for comments this term."

It doesn't happen often, but I was speechless. Whaaaa????

What about all that work I just put in, missing a good friend's birthday party in the process? What about the note I sent out asking if you had any problems with getting your comments this term? What about the fact that THIS project that we just finished is the major project for the year and is what needs to be reported on?

The response? "Oh yeah, I got that note a long time ago, but I forgot. Aw, and nobody reads those comments anyway." This was the same teacher who told me before the break to just make up marks for the kids who didn't do their performances.

I wanted to scream. And cry.

I'm so glad I bust my ass every day trying to do the best I can, trying to be fair, trying to do my job properly just to be told that nothing I do really matters anyways. I mean, of course it DOES, which is what makes me so mad, but when I keep comming up against comments and situations like this, I really see how teachers can start to get apathetic.

SIGH. I don't even know if I'm coherent spilling this all out, just all I could think of today is why do I even bother??? Ugh.


***UPDATE:***
After a few of the comments I got on this post, I realized I had to clarify a few things. First of all, this post was written in a moment of frustration. I considered taking it down, or changing it, but decided to keep it as is, whith the explanation that blog entries sometimes are "in the moment" type writing. Things have since worked out - they always do. This post was written in reaction to how I was feeling about my colleague's remarks.

Now, a word about my colleague. This person is an excellent, dedicated, caring teacher. We don't always see eye to eye, but this is a person from whom I can learn a lot. I'm not excusing what this person said, because it was insensitive and frankly made me feel like crap. But nobody is perfect. I still smart a little from the remarks and just the whole situation in general, but life carries on, and I hold no grudge against this teacher.

Good news!

Ding dong, that rat is gone! The exterminators came on Monday while I was at work, yippee!

Cursing my high school chemistry teacher

After I got back from my mini vacation this past week (where I did a whole load of nothing - more on that in a future post), I went hog wild with some spring cleaning. One of the items on my list was to clean out my outdoor storage room, a big part of which involved taking my built-up piles of recycling down to the depot. It had been waaay longer than usual since I had done a recycling run, and my bins were filling up. So long, in fact, that the room was getting a little smelly. [Insert embarrassed look here] *

Anyway, Friday morning I woke up at 6am. I'm on holidays for heaven's sake! Why can't I just sleep in??? I had to be up shortly after for my hair appointment, so I figured I'd just get up and get some stuff done. So by 6:30 am I was in my storage room sorting jars and tins and plastic containers into garbage bags. It took way longer than normal because of how quietly I had to do it! I like me neighbours, and they like me. Jars and tin cans clanging around at 6:30 in the morning would not keep that situation stable for long.

When I was about half way through the sort (and had moved enough stuff out of the way to actually SEE the back of the storage room), I made a discovery.

It wasn't the recycling that was starting to smell.

Way back in the shadowy corner of my storage room was a rectangular piece of wood. Underneath the wood was a furry lifeless lump with a looooong skinny tail. A RAT!!! It had been caught in a trap I didn't even know was there and had been there for I-don't-know-how-long. Long enough to start to stink.

Aieeeeeeeeeee!

Utterly grossed out, I raced out into the fresh air, gulping it in in a desperate attempt to remove rotting rat stink from my nostrils. It was right about then that I began cursing my high school chemistry teacher for teaching us that odours are actually little particles of the real thing that we breathe in.

But, the show must go on, right? I tried to go back in and finish the job. Mind over matter, right? Well it was gag reflex over mind for me. I wretched every time I tried to walk back in the door. It wasn't bad when I thought it was mildly stinky recycling I was smelling, but as soon as I knew I had rotting rat chunks flying up my nose, I just couldn't handle it.

I ended up taking a scarf and wrapping it around my nose and mouth about four times then holding my breath while I sssllloooowwwllllyyyy lowered items into the bags. It's a good thing I was doing this so early, cause if anyone saw me, they would have thought I was a lunatic.

I wrote a note for my landlords right away, which they didn't see till Saturday morning (I wasn't about to call them that early in the morning, and I was out all day after that). They gave me the number of the exterminator, who I promptly called. He told me it would be Wednesday before they could come out, only after swearing at me, asking why I didn't call sooner cause they just had a guy out in my area earlier that day. What the??? No way was I going to wait four days to have this rotting carcass removed. Blech! I told them as much and so supposedly they'll come Monday to come get it. **

But now? It's Sunday night and I just got home and the rotting rat stink is starting to creep into my suite. Just barely, and I only caught a slight whiff when I walked in the door, but still! I think I"m gonna cry. Those guys had BETTER be here tomorrow!

SHUDDER

* Yes, we have home pickup here, but the official bins are kept in my landlord's part of the house and only come out the evening before or day of pickup. I'm never organized enough to know what day it is or to get my stuff out there. The depot is close by, so I don't mind doing it that way.
** I could just grab a bag and take it way, yes, but it's GROSS, and my landlords have paid the company for a one year contract, so they may as well do it.

Snip!

It's about time!

First of all... I have to make a public apology.

You know how sometimes when you're used to something, you don't realize how bad it really is? Kinda like a bad smell. After a while, you don't really notice it. But if you're just passing by, you screw up your face, wave your hand past your nose a few times, plug it, and try not to gag.

Well, that bad smell was my hair. Um, not that my hair smelled bad. It just looked bad. And I mean, B-A-D. Time for an admission here: it has been two full years since I got my hair cut. *shame, shame!* If you're brave, click here for a "before picture", and try not to gag! (Ew, I can't believe I posted that! Deer in headlights, anyone? Fear not: I never actually WORE my hair like that - it's been coralled in a ponytail for the last six months. YAWN.)

Ladies, you'll understand, at least a little bit: my hairdresser, Jenny - a gal who I've known since I was born and who is a fabulous hairdresser - moved away. I know, I know, the guys go, "So WHAT? Go to someone new!" But it's just not that simple! It's so hard to replace a hairdresser! For one, you have to start all over with the "get-to-know-you" chit chat. With Jenny, as soon as I walked in, she'd be asking me for an update about something we had talked about last visit. It's SO about the yak-factor when you're getting your hair done. Plus, she knows my hair (which sometimes has a personality of it's own!). I can say, "Yeah, I liked it last time, do that again" and she knows what I'm talking about. Plus, she's just cool! It was like some of her coolness rubbed off onto me! Ha!

But alas, she now lives in a land far, far away, and, when paired with the gigantic task of finding a new sylist, finding the time for an appointment - I was there for over two hours today - and finding the pennies for a silly haircut - I sure envy the $8 barber shop cuts some of you guys can get. I tried the "Supercuts" $10 haircut once. Never again. - it just kept getting put on the back burner. Mom finally had enough and gave me a gift certificate to her stylist for my birthday to cover a part of the cost. Now I had a stylist, spring break, and some money - no more excuses!

So, off I went today, apprehensively trying out a new hairdresser... She was alright. But she didn't TALK! Who ever heard of a non-talkative hairdresser?!?! Weird. Anyway, it was only after I got home with my new hiarcut - which by the way, turned a few heads as I was walking through the market nearby, go me! - looking at the "before" pictures that I realized how HIDEOUS my hair had gotten!!! Funny how just a simple thing like a hiarcut makes a gal feel SO different! This is my solemn vow to you: I will NEVER go that long without a haircut again!

So here ya go, the new me, yippee!

Dumb blogger!

No no, I haven't banned you! You are always welcome here (and so are your comments, wink wink nudge nudge!). Dumblogger was down again for a looong time and was spreadnig evil nasty lies that you were forbidden to see my blog! Verboten?!?! Never!

Welcome, or welcome back, as the case may be! You are always appreciated here. Unless you're a Meanie McNastypants. Then go away. But the rest of you (and *ahem* your comments *ahem*)... you may stay! :D

I got smacked!

A while back I submitted my blog to "I talk 2 much" for a review. They give out smacks as a rating system, but if they don't like your blog, you might get negative smacks, boots, or even rotten fish. I got three smacks (out of five), which was better than I was expecting! That's the secret, folks, aim low and you'll be satisfied! ;)

Their main critiques:

- My title is too long. Yep, I know it's long, but it says what I want to say about how I feel about my life. That one's staying. If you want to shorten it for a blog roll or something, it can be shortened to "Crazy Beautiful Life" or something like that.
- I had some random stuff in my sidebar, like the name of an old renter above the "Rent My Blog" box. That's gone, and I'll be cleaning up my sidebar some more later in the week when I get back from my mini-holiday.
- They told me I need to shorten my blogroll. I've been meaning to do that, and I'll try to figure out how to put it in a drop down box once I get back from vacation.
- They called my template boring, which it is, and relaxing, which is what I was going for. Yay! It was my first foray into HTML, so I was pretty happy to have figured out how to change colours, borders, formatting, etc. I know, I know, not rocket science, but I'm just learning! :P
- They mentioned my Amazing Race review - which I've done once and not again cause I can't stay awake long enough to see the end of it (I'm dozing by quarter to eleven, no matter how hard I try) and really, I have nothing to say about the show. I like it, I watch it when I can, but I'm no reviewer. *shakes head for even trying*

But all in all, not a bad review. *Grin*

WOOHOO!

This is the best morning!

I woke up this morning with a grin on my face, because I just have four hours of work ahead of me and then it's spring break. My grin turned to glee when I looked outside and saw this:



This is Vancovuer. In March. What the heck?

I don't care that everybody else hates the snow. I love it!!! It makes me happy. In fact, when I saw it I clapped my hands and did a little squeal. EEEEEE! And (of course) grabbed my camera to take a picture.

Hip hip hooray! Today is going to be a lovely day! :)

Friday can't come soon enough

I almost threw up my hands and quit today. I am feeling so overwhelmed, and then the way this week is shaping up, it's just about pushing me over the edge.

Report cards are upon us again, so that means lots of last minute testing and long nights of marking, tallying, and totalling. This is the last week before Spring Break, and so the pressure's on. All this week, the kids are polishing and performing their routines, taking quizzes, and handing in projects. It's do or die time, with no room for error because there's no time left for extensions or excuses.

So, in I walk to my class on Monday, ready for a full day of testing all my classes. I didn't even get through the first period before the principal called me: "Hillary, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to take you out of your classes today to cover Mrs K's grade two class. The district is out of subs again."

Great.

The school board has a ridiculous shortage of teachers-on-call (substitutes). At least twice a week at my school alone somebody calls in for a sub and there ends up being nobody assigned. They end up using a special ed, resource, or English as a second language teacher to cover the class, which means that the kids who need the most support don't get it for that day. Or, they pull a specialty teacher (me) out of their classes for the day, which means the kids miss out on their music class and the classroom teacher misses their prep time for that week. It's not a good scene.

So I got yanked out of my classes Monday, which means, guess what? No tests. No tests equal no marks. Kinda hard to write report cards with no (or very few) marks. Luckily the classroom teachers were able to give the written part of the tests during the time they were supposed to have music, but the playing part of the tests had to go down the tube.

Fast forward to today. I had one more class first period that had to do their test. They were supposed to take the written part of it last week with the substitute when I was away, but - SURPRISE! - they ran out of subs that day, too, so my music classes got cancelled. I was going to cram the two parts into today's class, but just as the kids were settling in, the announcement came over the PA: "Would all grade 4, 5, and 6 classes now please make their way down to the gym for the electrical safety assembly." Wheee. Guess what grade my class was??? Somehow I had missed today's assembly in the staff calendar. Whoopie. No marks for them, either.

At recess, I asked two of the grade seven teachers to please remind their kids to bring all their props/instruments for their performances tomorrow. The kids have been working for about six weeks on a Stomp routine, and this week is performance week. My request was met with the announcement that a whole swack of kids would be away the morning of their performances to go watch the BC Boys Basketball Championships. Super. Just when are they going to perform? And how am I supposed to mark them? If they miss the performance, the last 6 weeks has just been a big waste of time. After some crazy fanangling, we were able to swap some kids around and shuffle others to a different day, and I THINK it's going to work, but wow, is it ever frustrating to have every single attemptat evaluationg my kids thwarted in some way thios week. (Not to mention that I'm sure feeling low on everybody's list of priorities!)

Add to that some extrememely wingy kids (they're just as ready for Spring Break as I am) and a kindergarten girl who had a temper tantrum and ran away not once but twice in one fourty minute period, and you see why this post is waaay longer than I intended it to be.

Two and a half more days... two and a half more days... two and a half more days...

Rant

And rave. And stomp my feet.

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, PEOPLE, IF YOU MUST CALL ME TO HAWK SOME PRODUCT OR SERVICE OR ASK ME SOME ENDLESS LIST OF QUESTIONS I MUST STONGLY, SOMEWHAT, OR MILDLY AGREE OR DISAGREE ABOUT, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO GREET ME WITH A HUMAN AND NOT SOME SHTINKIN' MACHINE WITH A SUGARY SWEET RECORDED VOICE TELLING ME HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE BEEN RANDOMLY SELECTED FROM RESIDENTS OF MY NEIGHBOURHOOD TO RECEIVE BLAH BLAH BLAH AND WHEN I HANG UP ON YOU, DEMON MACHINE, DON'T CALL ME BACK!!! AAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!

Thus ends my rant. And my horribly long run-on sentence.

PS... Go check out my new renter! I haven't had one in a while. Look right... see that lovely button with sunflowers on it? That's My So Called Ramblings. She's a fun read, go check her out!

Amazing Race Wednesdays

"Dan, we're just gonna have to get dirty." -- "Are you kidding?"

And they're off! The Amazing Race has begun for another season. I got hooked last season two seasons ago (wow, I totally missed the "family edition"), so thought I'd start a discussion board this season for you wonderful folks to chatter about the show!

Some first impressions:

- BJ and Tyler: oh my. After originally thinking they were nuts, I grew to like their kookiness! Not so sure about the orange ruffles, though! :) What was that that one of them said in the helicopter? "Holey Shamolies" or something? Tee hee, that's totally something I would say!
- Eric and Jeremy: Even with girls on the brain ("Were they a mother and daughter, or two hot girls with big b00bs?" "Yeah, we've got to meet them first change we get"), they managed to come in first. Meh.
- Lisa and Joni: the "glamazons." Ha ha, I love it! I'm glad they didn't lose, even if they didn't know there is a difference between Spanish and Portuguese. What the?
- Ray and Yolanda: I was worried for them when she said that they had been dating for years entirely long distance. Yikes... the first time spending ny long period of time together is the Amazing Race?!?! They seemed to get on pretty well. (And I had to laugh at Ray glaring the Brazilians who were catcalling every time Yolanda bent down to work on that bike.)
- Fran and Barry - Oh, I felt sooo bad for them running past that cluebox on the bridge a gazillion times. ARG! I was nearly shouting at the TV, "It's RIGHT THERE!!! LOOK!!!!" I'm glad they made it through, too.
- Dani and Danielle: You have to know that the first line out of a duo dressed entirely in hot pink would be, "I need some makeup and a brush!" For heaven's sake, chickies, the race is like 15 minutes old, and already you're craving your makeup? I'd love to see those two on Survivor. BUT, points to them for dissing the 'frat boys.' *snicker*
- John and Scott: I'm sorry - you get out of your cab in the middle of Sao Paulo, not knowing where to go, not speaking the language, and just start shouting stuff in English to the locals? (Shouting doesn't help them understand you any better, people) AND you spend all your time fighting instead of going somewhere? Yep, that's a recipe for disaster. Buh bye.
- Lake and Michelle: Gee, who's this season's villain? W.O.W. Lake is a serious jerk. And what's with his obsession about "the black people?" Hopefully at least he learned to read the clues before continuing. Neener neener!
- Wanda and Desiree: they seemed to do pretty well. I thought they were in for it, but they work together pretty well.
- That other couple... oh yeah... who were they again? Joseph and Monica - but I only knew that cause I looked them up on the website. Was it just me, or did these two seem invisible this episode? Maybe there were just so many other colourful characters, I dunno.
- THE NERDS! Dave and Lori: I think they're my favourite (gee, could it be cause I'm a nerdball at heart, too?) They just seem so fun, don't care what others thing, and - gasp! - actually get along! I'm rooting for them!

What was your favourite moment? Who do you predict will win? Who do you want to snark about? Discuss!

Vancouver 2010

It's coming! After the olympic flag was handed over to Vancouver's Mayor Sam Sullivan at Sunday's closing ceremonies, all the talk is now about the next winter olympics to be held right here in Vancouver!

Watching the flag get hoisted at city hall today, I have to say, it's pretty exciting! This is such a fabulous place to live, and I'm proud to be a Vancouverite! Yippeee!

And the winner is...

Alrighty, so I'm a week behind on this one, so sue me! :P

A while back I posted a contest to name my car. Becca kept calling it "fluffy puff" or "cream puff" or "powder puff." I created this contest specifically so it wouldn't end up with any of those names. Sorry Bex, I love ya, but no thanks! ;-)

I got some great entries both on the site and offline. Here are some favourite suggestions:

Brent suggested "Remington Steele." I love it! It's a great name, perhaps more apt for a big boat like the one I used to have, but very funny! He wins in the "if only I still had a boat" category.

cjoy suggested "Oscar." She wins in the "make Hillary giggle" category. I may still use that one! It's fun!

Happy and Blue wins in the "make Hillary's jaw drop" category for his suggestion of "The Love Machine." Sorry, no lifestyle changes will be made to accomodate that name! :P

I think the overall prize has to go to Brad, though. On the way to a party one night, he suggested, "You should call it Black Beauty.... cause it's not black." It's just dumb enough to be cool! So till I change my mind (oh how fickle I am) my car will now be called "Black Beauty."

Or maybe Oscar Reminton the black beauty of a love machine. Um, or maybe not.

The cat came back

The cat came back. Sandwiches are beautiful, sandwiches are fine. Through a hollow log. Word Bird........Who are you thinking of? If you said Fred Penner, you're right! (ding ding ding! You win!)

Another teacher at my school goes to a church in Burnaby who was hosting two Fred Penner concerts yesterday afternoon. Before the concerts, however, he gave a workshop for parents and teachers about "Honouring the Child." I heard about it and couldn't pass up the opportunity! So, yesterday, I got to meet Fred Penner!!!

I loved his songs growing up. It was him, Raffi, and Charlotte Diamond all the way, baby. But Fred Penner had a TV show called Fred Penner's Place. Remember it? He'd climb through a hollow log into this magical place with puppets and the Word Bird and special guests and lots of fun! At the workshop, he talked about how when he was a kid, he had a secret hiding place in a little grove of trees that whenever he was upset, he'd crawl into. It was a cozy, protected place for him, and special because it was secret, only he knew about it. So when he was asked to do a show, he wanted to create that same kind of place for kids to enjoy the show. Did you ever notice that before he crawled through the hollow log, he'd look over his shoulder to see if anyone had followed him? :) You can view the show opener by clicking here (scroll down a bit and click play when the page opens)

Fred (can I call him Fred? Mr Penner? Nope, it's gonna have to a full meal deal on the name)... Fred Penner talked about his journey and how he ended up doing what he's doing. He told all kinds of great stories from his childhood and how they connected to what he has done in his life. I was really impressed with how purposeful he's been with his career, and how he's captured the meaning of honouring children. Hearing the stories behind a lot of the songs, they have such fabulous messages for children. They're meaningful, not just fluffy. After his talk he opened the floor up to requests and we had a singalong! Squeee! So fun!

Victory!

For one brief fleeting moment, I was cool in the eyes of some grade 6 skater kids today!!! They forgot their props for a Stomp project they're working on, so we were looking for suitable substitutes. I asked them if all they needed was something to serve as a deck (the part of a skateboard that you stand on).

Skater kid: "Yeah. ... ... hey, wait, did you say deck?"
Me: "Yeah."
Skater kid" "Woah! Cool. A teacher knows what a deck is."
Me (nonchalantly, with a slight toss of my head): "Of course! I know what trucks and ollies are, too."

I walked away listening to the sound of 12 year old boys marvelling at the fact that I, a dumb old out of touch music teacher, actually knew about skateboarding. (Thanks to my brother!)

I am so cool. Booyeah! HAHAHAHA!

Good for the soul

Yesterday was incredibly windy. It was one of those marvelous winter days in Vancouver where the sun shone golden on a fresh snowfall on the mountains and you had to lean forward and fight for every step if you were going to try to walk into the wind. They said it would be blowing near 70 km/hr on the beaches.

What better day for an outing? I decided to take a few hours and enjoy the evening before my improv class.

I drove down Oak Street and took in the views of downtown, nestled between the waters of False Creek and the spectacular North Shore mountains. I made my way a little farther west and parked just at the foot of Granville Street. I walked halfway over the Granville Street Bridge, past bundled up pedestrians scurrying accross the bridge, doing their best to get out of the wind as fast as they could. I took my time, hair whipping my face, hands freezing, and laughing at the absurdity of what I was doing. I soaked up every golden reflection on apartments, every whitecap, every kayaker making their way back in (kayakers?!?! In this weather? They had outriggers, for heavens sake! Gotta love Vancouverites). I headed to the beach to watch the waves crash in and see the sun sink into the ocean. I had to squint as I approached because of all the sand blowing off the beach. It blew past the logs on the beach, making the sidewalks look like desert dunes. I ended up with sand in my pockets, sand in my hair, sand in my socks. I even had to pick sand out of my lip gloss.

I walked out to water's edge, took down my ponytail, stretched out my arms, and twirled. The wind roared, the waves crashed, and the snow on the mountains turned pink as the sun began to set. I worked to control my body against the wind. The only thing that mattered was that moment.

Around and around, hair in my face, salt on my skin, twirling.

Where I'm At...

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."

That about sums up how I'm feeling right now. Tired of suckage, trying to be optimistic. It's been a year of hits for me - stolen car, totalled car, whiplash, a huge piece of my life (Camp Kawkawa) that had closed down... and now some jerk has stolen my wallet from my classroom.

It happened on Thrusday in the space of about 10 minutes. I ALWAYS lock my classroom, but I share it with another teacher who has lost so many keys that the school won't give her another one, so she just leaves when she's done and leaves the door unlocked. She could send a kid to go get a key from me or from the office, but no. Instead, the door was unlocked and someone - most likely from of the street cause of when and how they used my stuff - went into my classroom and took my wallet out of my purse. Thankfully they only took the wallet and left my cell, digital camera, and palm pilot! But still... all my ID, all my cards.... UUUG! They were quick about using my credit card, too: in the space of half an hour or so they racked up $300 in charges.

BUT, I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm usually such a "glass half-full" kinda gal. I'm struggling right now though. Ok, so at least I still have all the other stuff that was in my purse. Hey, I've got a much better car now. As far as Camp goes, God must have something even better up his sleeve if he allowed Kawkawa to close down.... I'm trying to let those things be at the front of my thinking, but it's hard. I've really had enough.

I'm really tired of people getting away with stuff at my expense. Punks steals my car - $300 please, just to get it back. Some guy decides he doesn't want to stop for a red light? Hey look, Hillary has to buy a new car, see a chiropractor twice a week, and deal with a sore back for three months and counting. Crook steals my wallet - digs it right our of my purse - and now I have to pay to have all my ID prelaced, deal with trying to get new ID without any ID in the first place... *SIGH*.

I promise a happier post tomorrow. Tonight I'm just in a sucky mood. Blah.

A Contest! A Contest!

With prizes and EVERYTHING!

I've had my new car for a month, and - SCANDALOUS! - I still haven't named it. I said a while back that I was going to have a contest on my blog to come up with a great name for my new ride. So now's your chance to get creative!


Get aquainted with my old beastmobile first, then read about my new car. OR if you've always had this burning desire to name a car BabaGanouche or some such ridiculousness, just pick a name based on the picture and run with it! Just leave a comment with your suggestion (and perhaps an explanation of WHY you want to name my car that) below. You've got till midnight Tuesday. Check back on Wednesday to see who the weiner... erm, the winner is.

There are prizes, folks, PRIZES!

Counterbalance

Yesterday, being Valentine's Day and all, the student council had a "Pink/Red/White" day. Everybody was to don their brightest Valentine colours and have a candy-chocolate-sugar filled day of sweetness. It was fun. I had mostly primary kids for music classes yesterday, and they really get into things. Pink and purple and white and red and hearts were EVERYWHERE, especially in the kindergarten class that is made up of twenty girls. No joke. The sea of pink is overwhelming on a normal day, let alone on V-Day! Anyway, it was all very cute. I got deliveries throughout the day of little valentines cards and candies, and we had an extra special goodie day at recess with the best chocolate mousse cake you have ever tasted, hands down.

Well. That was yesterday.

Today I was greeted first period by one of the grade seven classes. They all walked in and took their seats on the carpet, and I found myself looking out over a sea of black. Black hoodies, black blouses, black T-shirts, black sweaters. I laughed and made a comment about the recoil from Valentines day when one student pointed out that I was wearing black, too. I guess one can only take so much sugary sweetness before you run screaming into a gothic funk. I just never expected it to happen so fast.

Valentine's Ramblings

Ok, so I'm not really posting a lot of original thoughts these days... I've been busy and kinda suffering from writer's block. I guess it's just a blog downtime for a bit. BUT, I couldn't let Valentines Day go by without a post, of course.

So, what will it be? A long, self-pitying wistful lament about being single and where are all the quality guys these days? Naw, not my style. (But hey, if ya know any quality guys... hee hee, I'm KIDDING! um, kinda) Or how 'bout a big rant about how Valentines' Day is all just a commercial, overblown holiday and how you should say "I love you" year round, not just on one day. While I agree with that but also will never say no to chocolate, flowers, OR jewelery, I also don't really have the energy for a rant. Hmm... how about wishing all you singles Happy Sad (singles awareness day)? Really.... who makes a holiday called SAD? Naw, none of those really appeals to me.

I will, however, leave you with a rather amusing commentary on Valentine's Day. What did YOU do for V-Day?

My hair keeps sticking to my face...

... and I must have shocked myself about 387 times today. But hey, that's ok! For once I'm lovin' the static electricity, because it means it's actually DRY ENOUGH to be there in the first place. After nearly 6 weeks of rain, dry is very, very welcome!

Hip hip hooray for SUNSHINE!!!!

Confession Time

I took this photo this morning. February 9. Notice the clematis flowers that are BLOOMING outside the window? Christmas Tree.... Clematis. Perhaps it's time to take down the decorations. (This isn't quite as bad as 2003. It took me till March break to get the Christmas stuff down. Um... wait, did I just admit that? heh. heh.)

Laughter... the best medicine!

Blah! I'm home from work for the third day in a row. It's my annual "I have no voice and every time I cough it rip us my throat even more" episode. I feel kinda wussy staying home for that, but uh... kinda hard to teach, let alone teach MUSIC with no voice. Grrrr...

Since laughter is the best medicine, I have to share a few funnies I found in my blog travels... they made me laugh out loud, I hope they will make you do the same!

First, two crazy stories I found over at Anne's place: The Horror of Blimps and Neighbourhood Hazard. I laughed out loud at both of them. True or not, I don't care, they're great!

And then a video I snagged from GiggleChick... it's amazing what a good soundtrack and some editing can do!

I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU, McFLY

My feet are freezing!

Also known as "How slip on shoes and by-law enforcement officers are a bad combo."

Today was the last day to apply for summer school (my source of income for the summer months), and, as usual, it was down to the wire. I had left it till the last second to fill out and drop off my application. I was hastily filling out my application form and wasn't sure if I'd be able to get it in before the office closed at 4pm. As I was running out the front door of my school, I realized I'd left the address for a staff social back in my room. AK! No time! I called over to another teacher who was walking to her car and she rummaged around... she found it and off I went.

24 minutes till the office closes.

Key in ignition, and ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruuuuooooom. Uh, WHY is my NEW car having issues starting?!?! Oh yeah. The tank is empty. And I don't mean, oops, "I need to get gas soon" empty, I mean, "I reeeeally hope I can get it around the corner, let alone to a gas station cause I've been pushing the 'E' for two days now" empty. tick, tick tick... I decided against trying to push it all the way to the board office. Luckily I made it to a gas station. I pulled up, whipped out my card to pay at the pump, and ARG! I had picked the ONE pump out of ten that DIDN'T have pay-at-the-pump. Glug glug glug goes the gas. Great. There's a line up. I pay, and add a chocolate bar to my total. There's a reason I pay at the pump.

17 minutes to go.

Then I hit traffic. Broadway at 3:45 on a Friday. Brilliant. I kid you not when I say that I hit every single red light.

13 minutes to go. Uh. Slow drivers.
9 minutes to go. Dumb pedestrian! Hurry UP.
6 minutes to go. C'mon c'mon c'mon.
4 minutes to go. Sure, cut me off then turn left. It's ok. Go ahead. JACKASS.

I finally arrive at the board office. Parking is terrible in that area. TERRIBLE. All I'm doing is running in and out. The desk is right at the front door, no line up, nothing, just throw the application in a box. I pull up in front of a car parked at the last meter before a (very long) bus stop. The "no stopping" sign is at the middle of my car. On go the hazards and I bolt.

Now everybody knows that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, yes? So it would make sense to cut across the lawn/park in front of the office and not take the sidewalk, right? Well. This is no ordinary lawn. Grass, when paired with about 50 days of rain in the last 55 days is no longer grass, but a big muddy yet deceptively green bog. As I was sprinting across the grass, my shoes started to sink in a little, then a lot, then suddenly my stocking-ed foot went SQUISH into the mud. I was running, so there was no time to stop before my OTHER stocking foot SQUISHED down into the mud as well. It took a few steps through mud so deep it covered the tops of my feet before I could stop. Now I had to go back and get my shoes.

Mud, would you believe, has amazing powers of suction. It took some very strong yanking to free my shoes from the ooey gooey mess they had ensnared themselves in.

Shoes in hand, I continued on to the office, tippie-toed into the front door so as to leave as little mud on the floor as possible, practically THREW my forms at the lady, breathlessly mentioning something about the shoe-eating mud outside, then ran back to my car, totally laughing to myself at the absurdity of what just happened.

Before I saw her, I heard a voice saying, "I don't know why you stopped here, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." I looked up through my rain-soaked glasses to see a metermaid's bright yellow jacket standing in front of my car. She had WATCHED me run through the mud, yank out my shoes, and run back to my car in my SOCKS. The show wasn't long. I figure about a minute and a half. No bus had come. No car had to wait cause I was parked where I was. I was half in a parking zone, and had been gone less than two minutes. I showed her my shoes and my muddy jeans and socks. No dice. I now owe the city $40. Special.

I now had to go home and change before the party. Halfway home, I realized I had a chiropractor appointment that started three minutes before. It was back near the school board. Great. And I didn’t even have my phone handy to call, cause I threw my purse in the trunk along with my socks and shoes.

And now, I'm late for the party. But hey, I've vented, and hopefully you'll find this story as unbelievable (and rather comical, minus the parking ticket) as I do.



What kind of day have YOU had?

Happy Groundhog Day!

What a wierdo tradition. Some rodent comes out of his hole and predicts the weather... Oh well, fun nonetheless. Hope the groundhogs wherever you are predict an early spring!

I've posted my groundhog wishes to you HERE.

Oh yeah, and Happy Birthday to ME! (Dah da-da DAAAAAH!) Lucky me, born on the day of the rodent. This is the first year my age has seemed old! Twenty seven. Huh. 'Course that doesn't mean I have to be mature! ;)

Thoughts on God and Kawkawa

Click the button to visit "Camp Kawkawa Rembered"

I haven't blogged much in the last week. I've been kind of at a loss of what to say. (ME? Impossible!) I've been busy and I'm still thinking a lot about Camp Kawkawa. I'm still in shock that it's gone (well, closed).

I went up there last Saturday for a farewell open house. It was kind of a bitter sweet day. More bitter than sweet, to be honest. I saw some old friends, and that was good, but it was hard to see that beautiful location and know that that was the last function that would ever happen there. It was really last minute, too, because the decision to close the camp had come so quickly, so there were tons of people who couldn't make it or who don't even know yet that it's closed.

When I got there, I went all the way to the top of the property and started a kind of prayer walk/memory walk. I tried to go to each part of camp and just spend some time in each place bringing up memories and committing them to God. The hardest thing was seing the staff. Giggles, Rainbow, Mr Pots... they were all hoping to retire there. The new Director, Tim, just started in May. He and his wife were hoping to be there for 10-15 years. They made it seven months.

Giggles (er, Paulette) and I cried at the thought of the empty beach this summer. Where the hot summer air was once full of the sounds of kids playing and laughing and praising God, there will now only be silence and emptiness.

Man, I have a lot of memories from that place, both fun memories and memories of lessons and decisions that have shaped who I am today. I think that's why it's so hard to see the camp close: it's had such a huge impact on my faith, and I've linked that, probably too much, with camp. It's like once camp is gone, that part of who I am - while it's still there and can never be taken from me - no longer has a physical place to be tied to. The plan is to find a new location and start a new camp. That will be good, but it will never be the same. But really, when are we ever promised that things will stay the same?

There were lots of tears on Saturday, but the biggest ones fell when we were singing "Blessed Be Your Name." I've never had a hard time singing that before, but this time was different.

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, Blessed be Your name
It was a reminder that God gave this camp to us, and now he's taking it away. Nobody knows why. Everybody was saying last Saturday that if God is taking away such a wonderful, God-honouring, life-changing place, he must have something so much better up his sleeve. It's just hard to say goodbye and not know what's going to happen next.

Even as I was thinking about that, I came accross a newsletter from another camp that gave me yet a different perspective: I've often thanked God for giving us Camp Kawkawa, and now I'm wondering why he's taking it away. But in reality, it was never really given to us. Camp Kawkawa is God's. It always was. He's just invited us to use it. I'm so grateful for that invitiation.

____________________________________
* See pictures from Saturday's farewell party here.
* If you, too, have spent any time at Camp Kawkawa, please go to Camp Kawkawa Remembered and share a favourite memory. I am collecting stories that will be added to a book about Kawkawaand I'd love to hear your story.

Surprise!

Just another one of my many talents.....

Click here

What hidden talents do YOU have?

It's showtime *UPDATED*

Oh. My. Goodness. You'll never guess who I'm going to see tomorrow night. No really. Guess. I'll wait. ...... Nope, try again... not them either.... nope.....

Give up? Here's a hint...

Dressed in yellow, she says "Hello
"Come sit next to me you fine fellow"
You run over there without a second to loose
And what comes next, hey bust a move!

Wednesday, 9pm at the Plaza on Granville, $20 at the door... Email me if you wanna come (Brad... you know you waaaaana!)

*UPDATED* I'm such a weenie. I didn't go! I was SO gonna. I decided at 10pm the night before that I was in, listened to all kinds of clips of Young MC's songs online, and called a bunch of friends to come with me, all excited and enthusiastic (me? enthusiastic? neeeeever). My friends Jordan and Lloyd weren't as excited but agreed to come along for some fun and so I wouldn 't go on my own (my sister and a bunch of her friends were gonna be there, too, but I wanted a friend or two along as well). Upon further inspection of the showtimes, I saw that there were two opening acts, and Lloyd pointed out that Young MC probably wouldn't be on till 11 or 11:30... it was a work night... I had been sleeping really poorly... I was getting sick... I decided the day of the concert that I should probably get to bed at a decent hour and get some sleep instead.

ARG... when did I turn into such an old lady???

Well, I'm off to glue my teeth in and cover the couch with plastic now...

Yes... YOU!

Just wanted to point out my blog-o-the-week. Her name's Sarah Cool and she's got a nifty blog going. I particularly liked her post called "Breathe Deep..." (Jan 11). It got me thinking and she's got soem great points. She's a fun gal, so go check out her site and say hello! (Don't know what I'm talking about? See that blog thumbnail on the sidebar under "Welcome to my Tenant"... go click it! :D

Well slap me silly and call me Sally!

I don't like being a meany-pants. But this was getting out of hand. I faxed some forms off to my insurance adjuster in December, and I haven't heard from him since. I've been paying privately for my chiropractic treatments and my chiro office has been trying to get hold of the adjuster, and so have I. My messages have now turned into, "Hello, this is Hillary calling regarding claim number blah blah blah. This is now the third/fourth/fifth/etc time I have called. I would appreciate a phone call back as soon as possible."

Well he FINALLY called me back tonight. Turns out he never got my forms (which still doesn't explain why he hasn't called me back for three weeks, but hey). We got everything set up for my chiro office to bill the insurance company, and for me to be reimbursed.

As an afterthought, I asked him if they had determined liability from the accident yet. It is a sticky one, cause I was turning left, so the onus is on me to prove that the guy who hit me ran the red. I had a witness, who has not returned one single phone call (from me, a lawyer friend, the insurance company... anyone). He's a dud. So basically, even though the other guy was in the wrong, the fault would end up being mine, meaning increased insurance rates, etc etc etc. Suckity suck suck suck. Plus, when they paid me out for my totalled car, they held my $300 deductible, only to pay it to me if it was found to be the other guy's fault.

Well.

At the intersection, the guy insisted it was a yellow light he went through. Last month when I checked on the process, his statement with the insurance company was still that he went through the yellow light. So today when I checked, I was hoping for maybe a 50/50 fault decision, but knowing that I really shouldn't get my hopes up. Imagine my shock when the adjuster told me that the other driver had accepted full fault!!! WOOHOOO!!!!! That means my insurance won't go up. That means my adjuster is gonna cut me a cheque for $300 (a fact I forgot about till he brought it up). That ALSO means I'm eligible for "pain and suffering" money from the insurance company. I'll have to see what's reasonable and go from there.

But WOOHOO!!!!!! There's a MAJOR prayer answered, and a HUGE weight off my shoulders!

Yippee Skippy!!!

I've got the kleenex handy

Click the button to visit "Camp Kawkawa Rembered"

Um, so this is my fourth post today. Sorry gang, it's been a really eventful Sunday for me, not to mention the rest of the weekend. Yikes.

I guess life goes in a cycle of highs and lows. This low hit me pretty hard today. I'm still not convinced I can get through typing this without tears. I've already had a few crying sessions this afternoon and evening.

Just after I got home today, I was in a fantabulous mood (scroll down to find out why). Then my mom called me to tell me about an announcement she saw in the bulletin this morning at their church: "Due to geological concerns, Camp Kawkawa will be closing down at the end of January. " The camp is built on the side of a mountain, and after having a geological survey done, they found that there was too great of a risk of landslides. In order to continue operating, every guest would have to sign a waiver to stay there. That's simply too damaging. Nobody would come. So Camp Kawkawa is closing. Forever.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

Camp Kawkawa is a Christian kids camp up in Hope that has been a huge part of my life since I was little. My Nana and Papa first sent me there when I was eight years old, and I spent at least a week (sometimes eight or nine weeks) there every summer for the next sixteen years. It's been two and a half years since I last worked there, but I've gone up to visit and to volunteer for a weekend here and there, and have been up the most recently for a church retreat last May.

It is my favourite place in the whole wide world. Not only is it an incredibly beautiful spot, but the experiences I have had there have shaped so much of who I am today, particularily in regards to my faith. I have grown and learned SO much there. I simply can't put into words how much I love that place. I've said before that as soon as I arrive on the property, I feel as if my soul can relax. It is a refuge for me, a sacred place.

I know of course that even though the buildings will be gone (uh, oh, here come the tears), the effect it's had on me and on thousands of other people can never be taken away. What God has done through that ministry will last even beyond this life. I take comfort in that, but I can't bear the tought of never again being able to huff it up that killer hill to the girls chalets, play a game of beach volleyball with 50 kids, watch a skit night in the dining hall, pray for my cabin of girls in the staff lounge, teach a kid how to shoot an arrow or paddle a kayak, and see kids come to a deeper understanding of God as they go about the activities of the week.

They are hoping to relocate at some point, but it will never be Kawkawa again.

There will be a final Open House Farewell on Saturday January 21 from 2pm-6pm. I'll be going (camera and kleenex - lots and lots of kleenex - in tow). If you'd like to come, let me know.

In the meantime, if you're interested, here are a few links to Kawkawa if you'd like to see a little bit of the place that is so dear to me:

Camp Photos --- Camp Video (it's a large file, it may take a while to load) --- 360 degree interactive tour --- Open House invitation --- Why Kawkawa is closing it's doors --- Some thoughts after the retreat in May

VRRROOOOOOM

That's the sound my new Honda Civic makes!

WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry. I'm a bit excited.

I just bought a white 95 Civic LX sedan. It's in beautiful shape, and I drove it off the lot with only 94,139 kms on it (58,945 miles), which is less than half of what an average car would have on it by now. It's all tuned up, just had the brakes done, AirCared till Christmas 2007, and is set to go.

I went to the dealership today fully intending to walk away from this car. My mechanic cheked it over of Friday and told me it needed some work: brakes, tires, a tune up, and a timing belt in another three months or so. The salesman was asking a lot, and even though it's got really low kilometers, it's still an eleven year old car and doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles. It's got air conditioning, but manual windows, locks, etc. I didn't think he was going to go down too much on his price.

My dad and I offered $1500 below what he was asking for it, because of this and that that needed fixing, etc. But then he then told us that he had the brakes fixed and the oil changed yesterday, and showed us the tires again, which weren't nearly as bad as my mechanic made them out to be. The back ones will need replacing in a few months, but that's not too expensive to do. I'll still have to do the timing belt in a few months. BUT, he gave us his bottom line, which was WAY lower than I thought it would be. Plus, because he had just gotten the car, he hadn't transferred it to his company yet. It was just in his name, so I saved half the tax (no GST) and the documentation fees. That alone saved me $625. His bottom line was $1000 less than he was asking, so after some deliberating with my dad (dads are great!) I decided to take it.

I still wasn't going to drive out of there right then and there, because I'd need a certified cheque from the bank to pay and would have to go buy insurance, and it was 4pm on a Sunday. Not gonna happen.

BUT (lotta buts in this story, aren't there?), he told me he'd take a regular cheque, so off we went back to my house from Hastings and Commercial (about a 20 min drive) to get my chequebook, paid him, then started running around looking for an insurance place that was open at 5 pm on a Sunday. We drove into North Van to the Superstore (another 20 min drive each way) and voila! I had insurance. Off we went, back the the dealership, and I drove off the lot at 5:30 this evening!

Holy shamoley, I have a car!!! And it WORKS! In contrast to the Beastmobile, I'm toying with naming it Beauty. Might be kinda cheesy though. I'll post pictures tomorrow and maybe have a "name my new car" contest. Hmmm...... I like that plan. Start thinking! I'll officially announce the contest later this week.

WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Back to the contest

Say What?

'Member how back a while ago I was musing about taking an acting class? Well I jumped in with two feet on Saturday and registered for an eight week IMPROV course! There was an acting one that conflicted with my Bible study, but this one is on a different night. I'm simultaneously looking forward to it immensely and am totally terrified. The fun begins this Tursday... it's gonna be great! If there's a show at the end, I'll invite y'all to come and see!

The desk

Yeah, yeah, yeah... so I've got no pictures of a non back-twizzling computer set up to show you (see post below). My monitor and keyboard can't both fit on the same side of the desk without my keyboard being right up against the edge of the desk (and even hanging off a little bit). I thought about putting the monitor on a shelf above, but monitors are heavy and those shelves are just held up by four little plastic pins. Not a good combo. This is gonna take more work than I initially thought. Perhaps a slide-out keyboard shelf. Or just a new desk. Dumb back. Who says they're supposed to be straight, anyway? ;)

On the plus side, I DID clean the desk off. No more junk.*


*On the desk that is. Now the junk is in a basket on the floor waiting to be sorted through.
I'll get there, I will! Feel free to yell at me anyway! :-)

A stern talking to

I've been going to a chiropractor lately for the sore back I've had ever since my car accident. I've heard the whole gamut of opinions from "They're quacks" to "He made my bones move" but I thought I'd go see for myself and give it a try. I wasn't too convinced after the first few appointments, but it's feeling a lot better now! Yippee!

On Monday, the chiro mentioned that some of the problems in my back were kind of strange to find after a car accident, so he started asking questions about other things, like my job, my sleeping habits (yeah, those need to change) and things like that. I knew right away what was causing the problem, so I decided to fess up, and then got a lecture. It was a friendly lecture, and he joked about being required to give it, but it was a lecture nonetheless.

Folks, I have the worst desk set-up ever. EVAR. Behold the badness of it all...

Now that may not look so bad at first glance, but look where my monitor is. It's way off to the left. I sit diagonal on the chair, my right leg tucked underneath me, my left arm across my chest in order to reach the keyboard. Either that or I've got my knees under the desk and my torso twisted to the left to see the screen. My back basically looks like a twizzler stick when I sit here.

In my defense, if I put the monitor on the other side of the desk, half my desk would be rendered useless. It would not be a useful workstation at all. However, seeing as I never work at my desk except for when I'm on the computer, and my desk NEVER looks as clean as that (it's mostly used to store piles of junk - there ya go, there's my dirty little secret for you), I'm pretty sure the "it would be useless space" argument just isn't gonna cut it.

I guess I need to change my desk.

Hey! How's this for accountability... if you don't see a picture of a rearranged and uncluttered desk by Sunday night, yell at me! My back and my chiropractor will thank you!

National De-Lurking Week

Hey out there! According to Paper Napkin (and a WHOLE lot of other blogs out there!), this is National De-Lurking Week. Sign me up! (I know it's near the end of the week, but hey, for me, it's gonna last a week.) My site gets a good number of comments, and I appreciate them all! I'm always thrilled to see a new comment come into my inbox. But my stat counter tells me that there are lots more of you out there who are reading! Go on! Leave a comment! Say hello! It doesn't have to be witty, it doesn't have to be long. If a post makes you think of something, coment away! A blog is a conversation - I'd love to hear your end of it! :D

Trolls

Wow, I just realized that three really long posts in the last week were all about car shopping. Yawn. And I was wondering why my comments were down! Ha ha! Sorry if I've been boring you. The hunt has kind of been consuming my spare time these days. Blah!

On a much more exciting note, go check out Troll Baby on my sidebar (to the right and down). Karen is my new renter this week, and she's great! Funny posts, and a great blog design. She's got a contest running now where you send her your URL and the winner gets a free blog makeover. Go show her some love! Click on the tumbnail to visit her!

So funny!

So normally I don't post jokes (cause there are kajillions of them floating around out there, and really, we all get enough of them as forwards in our inboxes), but this blonde joke just got funnier every time I looked at it. Go check it out!

Lessons

These have been the longest days I've had in a very tong time. Other than six hours to sleep, and some time to shower and eat breakfast, I have been doing some form of car hunting from about 3:30pm Friday till 5:30pm Saturday. Ridiculous, I tell you.

BUT, there's a light on the horizon. I have a first and second pick, and both are good deals on nice cars. We'll see how the inspection goes.

A few things I've learned through car shopping these last few weeks:

1. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. That's obvious, yes. But I'm a person who will drive all the way across the city anyway just to be sure.

2. If a salesman stands under cover and watches you wander around in the lot in the pouring rain and doesn't come up to you, even when you've made eye contact with him 3 or 4 times, and then when you walk over and ask him to come out and open the car for you and you find a random piece of plastic sitting on top of the engine, it's a bad sign. It's an even worse sign when you ask what it is and the sales man tells you, exasperated, "I told you it's a...." (I still don't know what it was. I couldn't understand what he said and I wasn't interested in finding out.) He started walking away with no explanation of where he was going, so my dad and I just yelled "Bye" (we had to yell, he was far away by this point) and walked away, hood up and everything. Yikes.

3. I am a second guesser. I do that all the time when I'm playing Settlers of Catan and making a trade. I make the deal to trade cards, and then invariably pull my hand away and say, "Well, actually... yeah, no, ok. Here's the cards." Apparently this translates into buying cars.

4. You have to really know what you're talking about when you're a single girl on her own in a car lot. I learned a few key questions to ask while looking intently at the running engine and cocking my head to one side as if I actually knew what I was listening for. Not that I would necessarily understand the answer to the question, but they don't have to know that!

5. When you reach under the hood to open it up and you rip off half of your very long thumbnail below where it's attatched to the skin (Yyeeeooowww!), you just have to grin and bear it, cause really, what salesman would take you seriously if you pulled the whole, "Ah! I, like, broke a nay-uhl when I opened this motor cover thing, and, like, it rillyrilly huuurts." Yeah. Not so good. My thumb actually got all swollen and really tender after that, and it throbbed for two days. Pfft, and girls are mocked when they call attention to a broken nail.

Here's hoping one of the cars I saw today works out, and I don't have to learn any more car shopping lessons for a long time!

Help me

I am in car buying hell.

I thought I had one last weekend. It was beautiful - a 98 Corolla. I put a deposit down, and he said he'd give it back if I wasn't happy with the mechanical inspection. I had second thoughts, it had high kilometers, I figured I could get a better deal. I agonized for a few days, then cancelled the deposit check and called him back to tell him there was no deal. Then I felt sleazy. Now I feel sleazy and realize that that was probably a fairly decent deal, and wish I could still buy the car.

I have spent nearly 7 hours (holy shneikey - that long???) tonight pouring over internet and classified ads, calling dealerships and private sellers, making lists and lists and lists of cars to go see, fighting a computer that has a hissy fit and "stops responding" every 5 minutes (no joke - it froze 7 times in an hour), and mapping out the locations of all these places so my dad and I can go see them tomorrow in somewhat of an efficient manner.

I think my head is going to explode.

And WHAT is with all the beige-tan-brown-puce-champagne Toyotas out there? Champagne??? That's just a fancy word for BLECH! NOT the colour for me, thank you very much.* But that's all there seems to be for sale. What's that? You're selling a 2000 Corolla with a measly 46 kilometers on it? Keyless entry, power everything, air conditionning AND cruise control? No accidents? Never let out of the heated garage? Only $1000? Great! I'll take it! Wait... what colour is it? ... Champagne? Oh... ok, no, that's ok, I'll keep looking.

Perhaps I'm being a little too picky.

But really, I'm going to go nutty if I have to do this rigamaroll again next weekend. Here's hoping for a great deal tomorrow!

=== UPDATED=== It is now 1:51 am. I have been car hunting for about 9.5 hours. I am going to bed.

* If you've got a beige-tan-brown-puce-champagne car and you like it, I'm glad. I'm just not a beige kinda gal. In case you hadn't noticed.

Dopey? Grumpy? Sleepy?

All of the above.

Dopey cause I just couldn't seem to get it together today. It was the first day back to school, and it just seemed off. Mighta been cause I wasn't nearly as prepared as I had meant to be (ok, so I wasn't prepared at all). The last kindergarten class I had today was not a shining moment of music teacher brilliance. Good thing there was a student teacher on the first day of her practicum there watching me, jsut to see how a kindergarten music class unfolds. Crap. It didn't help matters that I felt I had to apologize for such a horrible class and joked about "See, that's what you call 'winging it.'" Good job, Hillary. Highlight your goof-ups. Why do I DO that?

Grumpy cause... I don't know. Just one of those days. Har-UMPH.

Sleepy cause I went to bed far too late last night (surprise surprise) and the first day back to being a performing monkey... er, I mean music teacher... was a bit of a shock to the system after two weeks of vacation. No Qwyzzle for me tonight, I think my brain would explode.

Which of the Seven Dwarfs do you identify with today?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

It's a reeallly good thing I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'll have something to occupy my mind other than the most addictive game on the internet. That's right, folks. If you haven't ever heard of Qwyzzle, run far far away. Don't go near it. It will make you completely insane and suck away days of your life. You will bang your head repeatedly on your desk trying to figure out how the HECK to solve many of the 100 different levels. But boy, it's fun.

Try it. I dare you.

Be sure to read the messages in the status bar (at the bottom left corner of your browser window. Firefox users, you might have to use IE for it to work). They'll give you clues.

I have just recently finished level 34, after MUCH headbanging and tearing of hair (I wonder if my students will notice the bald patch tomorrow?). I don't have a nifty little summary of where I got stuck and the time spent like Gigglechick does, but it's probably best that my mom (hi mom!) and the rest of you don't know how many hours I've spent on this game. Gigglechick. I don't know whether to love her or hate her for introducing me to this cursed game.

Click here to keep reading...

* 7:15pm Jan 2 - Level 34 completed. FINALLY.
* 8:49pm - STUCK on 36. I've tried every possiblity, and nothing is right. AAARRRGGG.
* 9:14pm - Gave up on 36 and just tried numbers till I got it. The answer still doesn't make sense.
* 9:33pm - begin level 41
* 10:24pm I hate level 41
* 10:41pm - FINALLY! On to 42. And stuck. I hate this game.
* 10:59pm - Level 43! It's about TIME. 42 was so obvious, I never even saw it. Ach.
* 11:17pm - stuck on 44
* 11:25pm - Level 45 - NOOO! Not another MAZE!
* 11:36pm - Forget it. I give up. I'm going to bed.
* 11:14pm Jan 8 - FINALLY through level 45. Many attemps later and who knows how many binary conversion tools. ARG. (Yes, I DID go to work during this time! But much time was also spent on this dang maze)
*12:03pm - everyone says 46 is super easy. Arg! I'm stuck, and feeling stupid
* 12:11pm - got it! On to 47. I really should be sleeping
* 12:19pm - 47. Done. 48. Done. 49. Done. I've heard 50 is a doozy. Here goes.
* 1:10am - stupid obvious answer that I didn't get for an hour. DUH. Got Level 50 now.
*1:44am - how does someone make these things up? I mean, really! On to 52
* 2:38am - Level 54. Stupid shroud. Qwyzzle forums are down, too, so I can't get hints. ARG. It's probably a good thing, seeing as I have to work in the morning. @$#!$ life sucking game.
* 2:56am - Just got 54. HOW are you supposed to konw to do that??? OK. Bed tiem for real now.

Take me back to the main page!

Oooh! It's got hubcaps!

It really doesn't take too much to impress me.

I've been car shopping a little over the break. After my Beastmobile, almost anything looks nice! I am, however, being much pickier this time around. I've been to Beatertown. It was fun - kinda - but I don't feel the need to go back. I've been looking at Toyota Corollas and a few Honda Civics: they're such good cars - they go and go, and are usually pretty reliable. I've seen a pretty nice Mazda Protege, too. I would love to buy new, but alas, Mr. Bank Account is not quite ready for that. The Beastmobile was an '89, so my goal is to buy something that's within ten years old. We'll see how that pans out.

I have to say, if there's one thing I've learned from trooping around to look at used cars, it's that I hate car shopping! Ug! It's phenominal how much JUNK is out there. Even more unbelievable is how much people are asking for said junk.

A few cars I never even ended up seeing because the people selling them had accents so thick I couldn't even tell if they were telling me it was a standard or an automatic (and I'm not your wussy need-subtitles-for-a-teensy-weensy-accent kind of gal!). I coulnd't even get any information on those cars, nevermind directions to go see them!

And then there were the cars I did see. Let me tell you this much: if you have been breeding wet, chain smoking dogs in a homemade swimming pool in the back of your car, NOBODY will buy your car.

I don't know what some people do to thier cars to make them smell so horribly putrid (nor do I want to know!) but phew!!! I thought my dad was kinda strange when he kept poking his head into cars on used car lots to sniff them. Uh, no. Good plan. Also a good plan? Check for indoor swimming pools. While a luxury on some super swanky limousines, it's not generally a feature you want to see in a Corolla or a Protege. About the only good that has come from the ten days of pelting pouring rain here in Vancouver (and another 14 days at least in the forecast!) is that if the car is leaking, you're going to know about it. One car I saw, in addition to the puddles on the floor in the back seat, was so full of water below the floor of the trunk that the plug was removed so it could drian. PLUG? I didn't even know cars had plugs! Too bad, cause everything else looked great!

And so I shop some more. If anyone out there if feeling overly generous, I'm taking donations (of cars or cash)!!! :D

Happy New Year!

Here's to a bright and blessed 2006!
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday. Warmest wishes for the new year!

Welcome to Amy!

Just a little post to welcome Amy from Amy's Musings. She's the featured blog of the wek this week. Head on over to my sidebar and give her a click for an enjoyable read! Tell her I sent you!

From Amy: Tales from the Anti-June Cleaver, Anti-Soccer Mom. Mom of three great but strange kids contemplates family, life, and the world around her. Erma Bombeck-ish, humorous, occasionally sarcastic, opinionated, but always with an open mind...

Sitting on my hands

That's about as productive as I feel in the whole car-shopping area. Will I EVER get a car??? I put off shopping after the Beastmobile got schmucked for a month till I actually had the time to go look. Now I'm waiting... and waiting... and waiting... for the bank to get back to me about extending my line of credit so I can actually PAY for it! My holidays and borrowed car time are quickly running out. ARG! Why can't timing match up? First I had no time. Now I have no money (well, ok, I had no money when I had no time, too). As soon as I have no time again, I'll have the money. Or maybe not. *sigh* I really don't want to go to Beatertown again. I've had a beater, it was fun - kinda - but I'm ready to move on. I don't need a new car (though hey, if anyone's offering... !!) but I want something reliable, with things like a working transmission. See? I don't ask much!

I need to buy a jet pack. Then I could just fly to the places I want to go. It'd really cut down on the commuting time, too!

Is it over already?

I think I'm in denial! My decorations are staying up for a while yet, and darnit, I'm NOT puting away my Christmas music. At least not yet. All the craziness leading up to Christmas, and then *poof* it's over! I'm going to do things differently next year, I think. I reeeaaalllly need to make some time to be still. Jesus was born in a manger because there was no room for him at the inn. I don't want there to be no room for him in my life, either.

That being said, it was still a wonderful Christmas. It was quite different than other years, but still full of all the traditions I love.

My aunt and uncle and cousins arrived from Edmonton on Christmas Eve and stayed for two nights. It was so great to have them with us this year. They don't come down every year, and when they do, they usually stay with grandparents, so this was such a treat! Our house was busting at the seams, and it was great! We all went to the Christmas Eve service at my parent's church, which is right next door to our house in my high school gym. It was so bizarre to be in that hated place (gym was never a happy memory for me in high school!) and seeing it all decorated for Christmas. It bacame a holy place as something in the words of O Holy Night really struck me.

We all crammed into the family room afterwards and watched Jim Carey's version of The Grinch (I've had "be it eeever so heeeiiiinnnous, there's nooo place like hooome" stuck in my head ever since!). It seemed the picture perfect Christmas Eve - the whole family (two, in fact!) plus the dog all hanging out together by the fire. After the movie, we left some treats for Santa and all the "kids" were sent off to bed.


I still wake up early Christmas morning and sneak out to look at the scene in our living room. The warm glow of the tree, the bulging stockings, the pile of gifts underneath the tree, and the MESS Santa left (Santa is always messy when he somes to our house!)... I still feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

With TWO families around the tree, opening gifts was even more chaotic than usual! Both families open gifts one at a time so we can see what everybody gets, so it took nearly two hours to open everything! I got, among other things, a drybag for kayaking, Scategories, an engraved pen, software to make a photography book, and a compact, lightweight tent which will be perfect for backpacking! The tent was one of those items on the wishlist that I thought I'd put on, but really wasn't expecting to get! Yippee!

Every year, my dad lavishes gifts on my mom. She's stopped giving him a wishlist, because he'll go and buy everything on it. This year he was left to fend for himself, and he did a pretty darn good job. Every year, my parents make a calendar with photos they've taken throughout the year. We give them to the aunts and uncles, the grandparents, etc. Mom's last gift was one of these calendars. BUT, stuffed in March's page was a CD labelled, "What's this all about?" Dad opened up his laptop and popped in the CD. A powerpoint presentation began to play. To back it up here for jsut a minute, my parents don't take lavish vacations. They'd love to, but they jsut can't. The last real vacation they went on was to Hawaii for their 25th anniversary, which was eight years ago. Also, both of my parents have had quite a tough year. So, Dad decided to do some homework. This presentation was the result of that. One of the slides asked my mom if she remembered this guy:

It tok my uncle humming a few bars of the theme song to "The Love Boat" before my mom realized what exactly she was getting...


Dad had booked a TEN day cruise of the Mexican Riviera, leaving from San Fransisco. He also booked another six days in San Fransisco at the end of the cruise, complete with tickets to a few shows and a day in the Napa Valley touring the vinyards. Because my mom only gets one week off at spring break, he had also arranged for an extra week off work for her (she teaches preschool, outside of the public system, so time off is actually quite difficult to get). WOWEE!!! I'm SO excited for them. This will be a much deserved holiday for them. Yahoooo!

The rest of the family came over in the afternoon and we did the crazy gift thing again (another two hours!) and had dinner. We had twenty-two people for Christmas dinner. TWENTY-TWO! After everybody but my aunt and uncle and cousins had left, a dance party broke out in the living room. Everybody under the age of 25 left as quickly as they could (mortified to see their parents dancing, I'm sure. It was quite funny). Although I stuck around, I didn't dance. I thought I'd let them have thier fun! ;) Once again, not a typical Christmas!

I hope your Christmas was happy!

Click here to see more Christmas pictures.