Un-beLIEVEable

As much as my class is frustrating at times, I cannot believe how much I have enjoyed this year of teaching as compared to other years. (No, no, it's not over yet, but we ARE coming down the home stretch!) I never thought I'd be a primary girl, but turns out I am! I love it! It's more concrete, I feel more comfortable, I'm not overwhelmed to the cusp of burnout with all the marking...

I love all that I've learned about teaching this year, and have been saying how much I'm looking forward to finally getting to do the same job again next year. For once, I won't have to change. For once I get to take all the mistakes I've made and the learning I've done this year and apply it next year. With five years seniority and people with less under me at my school now, things should be fairly stable for next year.

Should being the operative word. Turns out that's not so much the case.

The principal called me into her office yesterday to talk about something. As soon as she asked me to take a seat, I had flashbacks to last year. When she bagan with, "We've been looking at staffing for next year..." I knew what was coming and my heart sunk like a ton of bricks. If everything remains as it is, I will be surplussed at the end of this year. This means that, while I still have a job, I won't be at my school and I will be doing whatever job is given to me, basically. Could be intermediate, could be prep, could be two different jobs at two different schools... anything. And most likely I'll be subbing full time till something comes up. How does this happen? Well it turns out that the person who is more junior to me was surplussed last year from a different job, and so now is protected from being surplussed for three years. They just move to the next junior person. Hi, hello, how are you doing?

'Member last year? I just finished posting about how much I was loving my job one Friday afternoon when the principal called me down to tell me the same freakin' thing?

Nothing is official yet, but there are even fewer options to potentially avoid being surplussed available to me than there were last year. Last year there were a few: take a K class, move to French Immersion, and the surprise option of my friend changing districts and freeing up the class I have now... Not so this year. There might be one job available in French, but it's back in intermediate, and not only am I not confident enough in my French to teach in intermediate, I don't want to go back to the upper grades. Not only that, every book, every resource that I've bought over the last five years would be completely useless, as they're all in English. I've invested waaaay too much money (seriously. It's obsene.) to move to French now. No way.

The thing is, I SO love my school. I've been there for five years now. Five years of getting to know people, of developing relationships, of knowing every kid in the school from when I used to teach them all music. Five years of the most wonderful people I could ever want to work with - and I really don't say that lightly. I have been SO blessed this year to have the teaching partners that I have. They are amazing - their support, expertise, encouragement, ideas, generosity, and friendship... they have blown me away. Our school is special (heh, and I'm not just biased!). Everyone who comes to work there (new staff, employees on call, volunteers, etc) comments on what a warm, freindly school it is and on how great the kids are. We have our challenges, of course, but I so love this place.

I don't think I'm even really processing the idea of leaving yet. I guess I'll wait till it's official, but even thinking about it makes me so, so, incredibly sad. And frustrated, too. Five years of doing soemthing different every. single. year. There are NO guarantees I'll get the grade I want next year. It'll be starting all over YET AGAIN, but this time not only with the job but in a whole new community. I don't know if I can do it. The thought of it exhausts me to no end.

Talk about a kick in the gut when I'm down.

UGH.