Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I'm tired

... of harping at my kids to STOP. TALKING. during lessons
... of feeling like I don't know what I'm doing
... of being so far behind on, well, everything, that I feel like I can never catch up
... of coughing. My stomach and back muscles have hurt from it for days now
... of never seeming to get enough sleep
... of too many thoughts - questions I just don't have answers for
... of not having enough energy when I get home to keep up with housework
... of feeling like I can't devote the time to my friendships that I want to because I've always got work stuff on or have no energy to do anything
... of feeling like I'm so far off of where I want to be with God
... of feeling like I'm whining. I guess this post isn't helping

You know, I have such a good life. I'm so grateful for my family, my job, my friends, my church... and of course, for God. But you know, sometimes all the dust that is kicked up from the whirlwind that is my life right now just gets in the way and blocks my view of what's important. I get so busy dealing with the 'dust' and I'm sick of it. I feel like all I deal with are the little day to day crises - classroom management and discipline, marking, commitments - and I am neglecting the bigger things that are so much more important to me - relationships, faith, building my students up... It's like all those little things are jsut sapping me of any energy to devote to what's really so much closer to my heart. It makes me sad, and uncomfortable with myself. And just plain tired.

I'm hesitating even pressing the "publish" button on this one. Just know that this is a post that reflects a moment in time. Tomorrow is a new day, and I know I've got a break coming. It's a few weeks away yet, but it's coming. Just right now I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Being sick doesn't help. I just want a day in my PJs to curl up and read a book all day, sipping on some homemade chicken noodle soup. No commitments, no "I should do's, I could do's, I ought to do's." Rest.

I might get to it next week.



Katrina said...

Sounds like it's time for a "Mental Health Day". It's like a sick day, but for your brain and your heart.

I'm glad you posted this one. I get tired, too, and it helps to know you're not alone. You're right about the new day--but you have to get through the one you're on first!

happy and blue 2 said...

Hope you feel healthy soon.
As for everything else, where we live always needs cleaning and your day to day work is making a difference even if it sometimes seems like it isn't..

Carrie said...

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope you are able to have a really, really relaxing break.

leesepea said...

I'm with Katrina on the "mental health day."

I've never called in sick a day in my life.

Maybe I need one, too.


Anonymous said...

Miss Hillary, I am so glad you posted this. YAY for being transparent on your blog, I applaud you.

I'm thinking about you today!

AND, by the way, I'm moving you to my "interesting FRIENDS" list even though I don't know you in real life! You are such a special friend to me!!

Have a BETTER day today.

"He said to me, 'My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you (sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully); for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in (your) weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!" 2 Corinthians 12:9

Paul said...

Well that's all very familiar, except for the bit about housework (no time to find my own place), and I could substitute teenagers causing havoc in youth group for kids in lessons too.

Modern life gets like that very easily.

Do you think if we just stop for a couple of hours every now and again the world will keep spinning?

nachtwache said...

I hope you're feeling a bit less overwhelmed, life does throw a lot at us. I used to worry more about getting everything done, over the years I've learned to prioritize. The world will keep turning, even if the laundry waits another day or two, or the cleaning...Where I can, I simplify my life, I don't go to every social that's happening. We pick names for Christmas gifts, in our family (parents, sisters, brothers(-in laws),adult children), a friend and I get together for a dinner out, with our spouses, instead of buying more that we don't need. Lean on God, when you feel like this, He'll envelope with His love; you can't get much closer then that! One day, we'll have an eternity to spend with loved ones.