... of harping at my kids to STOP. TALKING. during lessons
... of feeling like I don't know what I'm doing
... of being so far behind on, well, everything, that I feel like I can never catch up
... of coughing. My stomach and back muscles have hurt from it for days now
... of never seeming to get enough sleep
... of too many thoughts - questions I just don't have answers for
... of not having enough energy when I get home to keep up with housework
... of feeling like I can't devote the time to my friendships that I want to because I've always got work stuff on or have no energy to do anything
... of feeling like I'm so far off of where I want to be with God
... of feeling like I'm whining. I guess this post isn't helping
You know, I have such a good life. I'm so grateful for my family, my job, my friends, my church... and of course, for God. But you know, sometimes all the dust that is kicked up from the whirlwind that is my life right now just gets in the way and blocks my view of what's important. I get so busy dealing with the 'dust' and I'm sick of it. I feel like all I deal with are the little day to day crises - classroom management and discipline, marking, commitments - and I am neglecting the bigger things that are so much more important to me - relationships, faith, building my students up... It's like all those little things are jsut sapping me of any energy to devote to what's really so much closer to my heart. It makes me sad, and uncomfortable with myself. And just plain tired.
I'm hesitating even pressing the "publish" button on this one. Just know that this is a post that reflects a moment in time. Tomorrow is a new day, and I know I've got a break coming. It's a few weeks away yet, but it's coming. Just right now I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Being sick doesn't help. I just want a day in my PJs to curl up and read a book all day, sipping on some homemade chicken noodle soup. No commitments, no "I should do's, I could do's, I ought to do's." Rest.
I might get to it next week.