I really don't like this about me: I can't seem to escape the tendency to do a quick evaluation of any guy I meet to see if they might be someone I could be interested in. Why can't I put that selfish bent out of my head and just be content to have met another neat person? I feel like there's a disconnect between what I'd like to think I'm like with people - genuinely caring about who they are and what they care about simply because they're made in the image of God and are valuable human beings - and what goes on in my head: Either "Ok, this guy's not for me" or "Hmm, this guy's interesting!" And if I think the latter, I'm constantly evaluating in my head, running off a little checklist: cool, he likes ___, wow he's really ___, neat, we have ___ in common ... check check check. It's terrible! I feel like it's such a selfish way to think about people, and if left unchecked I could see how thought could easily turn into action: befriending someone only because there's "potential" there and then dropping him after discovering that nothing was going to happen. God forbid I ever do that. So how do I stop that thought process?
There have been a few times in the last few months where I've met someone and had lots of those little check boxes marked off. "Hmm! This guy could be interesting!" A mini crush has started to develop until, usually that same day, something comes up that makes me realize it's not right. I really think it's God quietly telling me "no" and whether I choose to listen to it or not, the answer is there. I have to think that I'll know if one day the answer is "yes."