Monday, May 16, 2005

Clear Messages

I really don't like this about me: I can't seem to escape the tendency to do a quick evaluation of any guy I meet to see if they might be someone I could be interested in. Why can't I put that selfish bent out of my head and just be content to have met another neat person? I feel like there's a disconnect between what I'd like to think I'm like with people - genuinely caring about who they are and what they care about simply because they're made in the image of God and are valuable human beings - and what goes on in my head: Either "Ok, this guy's not for me" or "Hmm, this guy's interesting!" And if I think the latter, I'm constantly evaluating in my head, running off a little checklist: cool, he likes ___, wow he's really ___, neat, we have ___ in common ... check check check. It's terrible! I feel like it's such a selfish way to think about people, and if left unchecked I could see how thought could easily turn into action: befriending someone only because there's "potential" there and then dropping him after discovering that nothing was going to happen. God forbid I ever do that. So how do I stop that thought process?

There have been a few times in the last few months where I've met someone and had lots of those little check boxes marked off. "Hmm! This guy could be interesting!" A mini crush has started to develop until, usually that same day, something comes up that makes me realize it's not right. I really think it's God quietly telling me "no" and whether I choose to listen to it or not, the answer is there. I have to think that I'll know if one day the answer is "yes."

5 comments:

Steve said...

yeah, i think a 'checklist' is a must for sure because you gotta have chemistry. i also think you have to have a 'checklist' for qualities that you don't want in a potential mate. i'm going through a fiasco now where i know this girl and she's got all that i am looking for..she's awesome..but there is a quality about her that i think would cause some issues if
we were to hook up..and there's other reasons we wouldn't be together. so, am i going to drop this relationship...well, for the sake of friendship - no, but in terms of doing any pursuing, i'm not going to waste my time with her. anyways, i think it's just human nature to measure people up with a checklist..it's how we develop acquaintances, friendships and how we relate to people - we do it in job interviews, in our workplace, kids do it on the school playground - heck - there's an election today so i better know who to vote for. but when it comes a potential mate - it just seems so, i don't know - so magnified..but it's justified - you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person - it's your future, your future family..and marriage is a covenant.

Clint said...

I married but I still size people up in similar ways...it's just human nature to do so I think.

My sister-in-law is going to be 26 this year and since we had our daughter she has been thinking about marrige more and more...thing is now she just gets hurt worse when she dates guys and it doesn't work out.

Get to know yourself better and don't look for something to happen...just be ready when it does.

Nice reading you. Stop back by any time.

Clint

Charles said...

I guess we all size people up some way or other, but the checklist seems extreme to me. I am more laid back. I tend to give relationships several weeks to see if anything develops. I would have failed to make some beautiful friendships had I checked them off too soon. But.. whatever floats your boat. I tend to be fascinated by peoples' quirks anyway. :)

Hillary said...

I think that's pretty normal, actually! There's often (always?) some kind of evaluation that happens when we meets someone. Just as long as we don't write people off based on a first impression. It takes time to get to know someone and first impressions aren't always accurate(as I'm sure you know - I'm jsut thinking out loud, here :)

waybar said...

Good for you! I think women don't do this often enough! They see the "flags" (check list) and decide they like this guy anyway. Oh, I can change him! They don't feel good enough about themselves to get out. When you see the flags, you should RUN!!
Wait on God, He will provide the person you are to marry.