Tuesday, December 06, 2005

What? Two days of snow in a row?

OK, so this is a little late to be relevant, but it's so great I had to post it anyway! Here's what happens when snow hits Vancouver! Thanks Pelalusa for the article.

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."


RagDoll said...

LOL. You could easily change place names around and apply that to the San Francisco Bay Area!

Stopping in via Wendy's blog! Have a great day!

web_loafer said...

Hilarious...an an enjoyable read. Good humor has to have a certain amount of truth in it to please, this was a funny, but close to reality article. LOL

Canadi-Ann said...

Hey, as someone who's living thru a blizzard in toronto right now, i resent that!!! at least you have pretty snow-capped mountains to look at. the only thing i have here to tell me which way is south is the CN tower. weeeee!!!!

soggy sushi is unspeakable torture. what is this world coming to????