Last week I wrote about a big decision that's coming up - whether to continue teaching music or to move to the classroom. (The post was loooong. Thank you SO much to everyone who waded through it, and especially to all those who left such encouraging, kind comments! It was much appreciated.).
"Wait a second... 'coming up'?" you ask... Yep. My principal asked me on Wednesday what I was thinking of for next year, and I told her I was still trying to decide, etc, but that not to worry, I would tell her by Friday. She then told me that the form that was supposed to be in by Friday is only really for those wanting to increase or decrease their time, and that I only really had to tell her what I wanted for next year before she sends out the job postings, which is in like MAY. Aaauurrgggghhh!
By the end of last week, I was leaning towards the classroom. Intances like those I had last week with Johnny made me realize that I want to be a safe haven for kids like that - to get to know them - and of course other kids, too - better and to be able to have a deeper impact on them that what I can do as a music teacher. I've also been doing a lot of thinking about passion, and what mine is and how that works into my job (don't worry, GP, it's coming, I promise, though I'll probably be able to tell you before I type it out!). I had a moment of clarity on Thursday, too, when I asked myself, "Could you see yourself doing a whole 'nother year of this?" It was sssllllooow getting started this year, and I felt right out of ideas and inspiration. I couldn't see myeslf doing it again for another year.
But then I went to a music teacher's workshop on Saturday. These workshops are always so fabulous, and I get so many great ideas and get inspired by all the clinicians and even the other teachers there. I know that what I really need to do is to take the Orff courses (a method of teaching music to children) so that I feel more equipped to do this job. But they're in the summer and are expensive. I have to work in July to pay the bills, and that's when the course is offered. I met another music teacher, too, who is going through exactly the same debate. She added another point to my thought process - I've spent three years building up not only the music program, but also a portfolio of sorts AND a whole network of professional contacts. If I go to the classroom, am I throwing that all away?
And so the proverbial pendulum was heading on it's way to one side, but is now back stuck in the middle, and I no longer have an imminent deadline. Time to keep praying.....