Thursday, January 24, 2008

Hillary: A whole new brand of crazy

That it. I've officially snapped. Lost it. Flipped my lid. Cracked. Gone cookoo.

I went to Superstore tonight and blew my entire month's budget on groceries (it's so CHEAP here! OOH, I need that! Wow, I can stock up on this!). I have had two days of parent teacher conferences on top of being out nearly every (or is it every?) night over the last 8 or 9 days. I've been getting waaaay to little sleep. And tonight I went crazy.

I love yogurt. L-O-V-E. It's one of God's gifts to mankind, and I have been known to eat an entire container in one sitting. And it was cheap at Superstore. So I bought a lot. Six tubs, to be exact. And two tubs of cottage cheese. Have I mentioned that I live by myself? Seriously, if ever I become lactose intolerant I will cry forever.

I got home, and I was really tired and my feet hurt and I was cold (it's been freezing here the last few days, and I was in a skirt, so yeah, chilly), so I whipped off my boots and socks and put on my cozy PJ pants and pink fuzzy slippers. But I kept my coat on, cause well, it was warm.

Then I called my friend Jason. He's really quite nice, despite what that picture might tell you. We were chatting, I was putting away my groceries, and talking about how I MIGHT have overdone it in the dairy department - which, coincidentally, I'm pretty sure doesn't have it's very own herd of cows in the back, so why did it smell like a farm? No, really. It reeked of cow a$$. Grody.

Anyhoo, I was proclaiming my love for yogurt when I knocked one of the containers off the counter and it landed SPLAT on the floor. Hardly any spilled (hooray!) but the container split away from the rim. So clearly it had to be eaten down so no yogurt would ooze out while it was in the fridge. So in between sentences I gulped down about 3/4 of the container. Hey, I was hungry! OK, not really, I have an addiction. I need help. I was making fun of myself and my affinity for fruit flavoured milky goodness to Jason when I decided that I really should remove myself from the source of dairy temptation.

Of course, woofing down mass quantities of yogurt in record speed is not so good for the stomach, and all of a sudden I felt really really full. Which struck me as rather funny. So I laughed. "Oooh, I'm so full! I ate too much yogurt! My poor tummy!"

Well, apparently this registered in my over-tired burned out brain as HIH-LAAAAWIOUS and I totally cracked up. A lot.

And then I started laughing because I was laughing. And then I started laughing harder. And then harder. And then harder.

"Oh...
No...
I..........
Think....................
I've............
Officially.............
Cra.....a.....a.......cked!"

I wheezed to Jason through my hysterics. And then my wheezing was funny, so I laughed some more. Then my ribs started to hurt cause I was laughing so hard, so I laughed some more (trying to ignore the nervous laughter from the other end of the phone...which also made me laugh some more.)

There was no stopping me. For at LEAST five minutes I was rolling around on my bed laughing at my laughter, tears STREAMING down my face (apparently my new mascara is not waterproof, as evidenced from the tracks of brown-black down my cheeks), wheezing a few sentences into the phone.

I finally regained enough composure to actually walk somewhere and do something other than laugh my guts out and I clicked through a link on a blog post to this. Which made me nearly blow Jason's ear out as the laughing fit started all over again. (Why did I think a good thing to do while trying to escape a lughing fit while on the phone would be to check a blog? Who knows. It's not like I was thinking clearly!)

I finally calmed down and went to take a look at myself. Eyes red and puffy from laugh-crying so hard, mascara streaks down my face, small bit of yogurt on my upper lip (apparently I missed?). Puffy winter coat, baby blue flannel PJ pants covered in sheep, and pink fuzzy slippers. Hiccuping insanely from the marathon laughing fit.

Nooooo, THAT'S not the picture of a lunatic at ALL.

Heh. heh. *eye twitches* Heh.

13 comments:

SlushTurtle said...

You know you can die from laughing too much Hillary. Seriously. It's no laughing matter.

Hillary said...

Well at least I'd die happy! :)

Wait a minute, I thought laughing was the best medicine? :P

Kendra said...

OH gosh..as if your post wasn't funny enough..that BABY! hahaha..I LOVE those times when the laughter hits you, you just can't stop which makes it worse and someone staring/listening with that "OMG" look...Priceless.

Katrina said...

I only seem to get those lunatic laughing fits in the most inappropriate places possible: funerals, church, awards ceremonies, meetings. What is it about that?

Laughing is good for your abs. Laugh on, girl!

Melissa said...

And at NO time did you think to snap a picture? ;)

(Ok, now *I'm* laughing at the thought of you trying to get a picture in that state! :D Crap! I really am laughing now.... STOP!!!!!!!!!)

JR(Plainswalker) said...

The funny thing is, I wouldn't think this is out of character at all for our dear Hillary :P.

Hillary said...

hehehe... JR!!! *shocked look*

ok, so it's true. Well, the laugh-attack part. Maybe not so much the "shuffles the hiccuping streak-faced girl" bit. But yeah.

Hillary said...

oh, and Melissa, I DID consider a picture, and considered it a very BAD idea!!! :P

JR(Plainswalker) said...

Hillary's learning... I told her that in your craziest moments, make sure to leave no evidence. ESPECIALLY pictorial evidence.

Melissa said...

Hey, I'm just trying to save her the work of all that typing. We all know a picture is worth a thousand words ;)

sarah cool said...

SERIOUSLY WHY DID YOU NOT TAKE A PICTURE?!?!?!?1

kass said...

With all the laughing you did, that would be a heck of a cardio workout...so you don't have to worry about eating too much yogurt :)

The Shan said...

I was eating a tiny container of yogurt on Sunday and I thought of you gulping it like it was the most delicious thing ever and it made me chuckle(in a completely non crazy way-teehee). I love hysterical laughter though. It's so.....unexpected and often so entirely inappropriate. :D I scared my Dad with that once over dinner and he thought I had gone off the deep end. Barhar