Monday, September 24, 2007

Fruit Flies!

AAUUURRGGHHHH!

Is it just me, or is there an over-abundance of fruit flies this year? Seriously! They are EV-ERY-WHERE. I'm blaming this ding dang dong Vancouver garbage strike that's now in, what, the eighth week? The little suckers have lots to feed on, what with there being no garbage pickup and all.

I've tried bowls of vinegar and funnels into a bottle with a little bit of red wine at the bottom. I've tried that bug paper that they supposedly stick to. I've tried temper tantrums. I've tried reasoning with them. Heck, I've even tried cleaning up my kitchen! Nothing seems to work.

Until now. You see, my house is very quickly nearing "fruit fly free" status. And lucky you, I'm going to share my secret!

Don't go calling PETI (people for the ethical treatment of insects!) on me, cause come on, letting them drown in alcohol or acid or letting them get stuck to a big gooey sheet of paper till they flap themselves to death is just as bad.

Follow these simple steps to fruit fly freedom.

1. Be sure you have rid your kitchen counters and sink of anything fruit flies might like to munch on.

2. Get out a cookie tray and cover it with tin foil.

3. Lay out all kinds of fruit fly treats. I find bananas and/or a bowl of vinegar and fruit juice are especially good.

4. Put the tray in your oven in the morning before you go to work, leaving the oven door slightly ajar.

5. Let the little buggers find their feast while you work away gleefully, knowing that your little visitors are on their way to fruit fly heaven.

6. When you get home from work, promptly go to your oven and WHOUMP the door shut. Be quick about it. They can sense you from a mile away and if you disturb them before you get the door closed, they WILL all swarm your face and try to take! you! down! by flying up your nose and making you swat madly in a flailing arm dance that really, no human should ever be seen doing.

Uh, not that I know this from experience. I'm just sayin'.

7. Turn on your oven. 350, 400, it doesn't really matter. When your house begins to smell like banana cream pie, or when the little light goes off to say it's hot, go turn your oven off. The toasted little critters will be no longer.

8. Repeat as necessary.

9. Do that dance of joy, and for the love of all things holy, COVER UP YOUR FRUIT!

NB: If you use a bowl of vinegar and fruit juice, be sure it's oven safe! And don't forget to thoroughly sweep out your oven afterwards, unless you're lookin' for that little bit of extra protein in your chocolate chip cookies!

4 comments:

Anne said...

I have heard that this theory works well...I also have a million of these dumb little buggers...

They keep dying in the cats water dish. It's kind of weird.

nachtwache said...

Lee Valley has fruit fly traps and they work. There are a lot of fruit flies this year, the spider nets are covered with them, they can't be much of a snack.

Abbey said...

That's hilarious! How in the world did you think of that???

I HATE Fruitflies like nothin' else!! They make me CRAZY!!

girard said...

Hillary, you are a godsend ! I'm here in Washington, DC & I nearly had a wonderful dinner ruined a couple of nights ago by the plaguing of fruitflies !!!! I made the egregious mistake of ordering a glass of chablis with my meal. Lord, why did I ever do that ? In spite of the outstanding grilled trout and jazz band softly playing, the fruitflies nearly gave me a conniption ! I finished my meal early, went home & called my mother about it. I asked her if she were experiencing the same problem in North Carolina. She told me she wasn't experiencing the problem to the same magnitude. Then I began to wonder if I was the culprit - Was I dead & didn't realize it and the flies were just conducting their post-mortem ritual ? Then the next morning, I saw a few at home. In order to retain my last bastion of sanity, I was driven to "neutralize" one of the little nudnicks just to make certain that I was not completely beset by lunacy. What ? you think it might have ended here ? No way. I've even seen a few at work & I'm suspicious that they are meddling with me while I'm asleep !!! (I know it's sad when such a small thing can beleaguer a person, but hey that's life). Well, things got so bad that I found your blog through a popular internet search engine. When I go home tonight, it's ON !!!! Thanks for such a creative and gratifying method for solving my problem !